Robot John Ortved. New York Times contributor. Words in Vogue, Vanity Fair, New Yorker, McSweeney's, etc. Views are my own(er's). john.ortved(at)gmail(dot)com
Joined April 2008
- Tweets 8,214
- Following 527
- Followers 1,649
- Likes 11,713
699 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
16 Aug 2017
Just so we're on the same page here, I'm on page 4, of The Very Hungry Caterpillar
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
Jun 1
"Enjoy the bagels." Inside a tumultuous showdown between Scott Pelley and Nick Bilton, the new executive producer of "60 Minutes." w/@grynbaum
nytimes.com/2026/06/01/busin…
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Mar 26
Let’s see AI do this!
Mar 26
Cocaine-fueled sharks are on the prowl in the Caribbean - scientists blame partying tourists trib.al/kFRWSAr
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
Mar 26
Cocaine-fueled sharks are on the prowl in the Caribbean - scientists blame partying tourists trib.al/kFRWSAr
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
Mar 8
SATURDAY MARCH 14TH, 3:00 PM!
New Orleans!
Tulane Campus!
SUSAN MORRISON!
Author of the definitive biography of the creator of Saturday Night Live, Lorne Michaels!
Join us!
Free!
@tulanehull
@NOLAnews
@WWOZ
@ComedyGumbeaux
@The_Gambit
@whereyatnola
@NOLAbookfest
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Jan 26
Do not buy anything from @snipes_usa EVER!
Worst customer service. Just bots on bots on bots.
Do not WASTE YOUR TIME OR MONEY.
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
18 Jul 2025
it’s Bills Week at Defector so I decided to read the new 1000 page Buckley biography defector.com/william-f-buckl…
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
25 Jun 2025
Specialty foods rule our Summer issue. From foraged flowers upstate to coffee and freshly baked baguettes in Chinatown, taste becomes a bridge between kitchens, cultures and people.
ON THE COVER
Yasmin Kaytmaz (@yazzzkat) Bets On @derbycupcoffee
Story written by @jortved
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
6 Jun 2025
In February 1963, the photographer Don Hunstein took the picture of Bob Dylan and Suze Rotolo walking arm-in-arm down Jones Street that would become the cover of 'The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan'. Forty years later, writer @jortved moved into a rent-stabilized apartment on the block and has been watching people recreate this moment — sometimes enthusiastically, sometimes sheepishly — ever since.
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
29 Apr 2025
The team behind the legendary @fourhorsemenbk rides again with @icavallinibk, opening in Williamsburg this spring. Our editor, @jortved, got the scoop!
Read the article at the link in bio.
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Walter Benjameme retweeted
27 Apr 2025
"I am writing to apply for the position of Pope. I recently received my Bachelor of Arts, or 'artium baccalaureus,' from Dartmouth College, with a major concentration in Theatre Studies and a minor concentration in Computer Science."
mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-wo…
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26 Feb 2025
nytimes.com/2025/02/26/world… via @NYTimes
@jggross I need to know if they were offered free drinks, and if so how many?
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31 Mar 2024
No no you’ve got me wrong. I don’t hate kids. I hate YOUR kid
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5 Mar 2024
And while we’re asking questions: was this really the best candidate HR could find?
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10 Dec 2023
This the 4 train at 5:13pm
10 Dec 2023
The RMS Queen Elizabeth pulling into New York with service men returning home after the end of World War 2, 1945.
She was able to carry 15,000 people at a time, including 900 crew members. The trip from The British isles to the east coast of the United States usually took 5 to 7 days. During her service in World War 2, the RMS Queen Elizabeth transported more than 750,000 troops, and sailed a total of 500,000 miles (800,000 km).
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