i have berry juice on my fingers. i saw two goats. a bug touched me.
Joined November 2019
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Jun 10
Kali is my mom and Hades is my dad and I am afraid of them and I am your friend!
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12m
me: [very Bordeline Personality Disorderly] I am my own Favorite Person!
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20m
i’m gonna stop trying to connect the dots because they refuse to remain tethered to each other and honestly i can’t blame them
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22m
i asked my doctor how many packs of cigarettes i should be smoking per day and he said “five to seven” and i asked him if he was a real doctor and he said “not sure” and then i helped him finish a tricky crossword puzzle because i pay more attention to pop culture than he does
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25m
damn dude that sucks, even back in the Punishment Zone we were given a thimble full of spoiled milk if we reported episodes of insomnia
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27m
I took home the gold in the 2024 Compassion Olympics for my exceptional performance in Reflexive Empathy.
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30m
if you’re gonna spiral into madness you might as well pirouette the whole time
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47m
cool thing i’ve noticed is that my gait has slowly warped over time to where i now walk like i’m trying to resist my inevitable transformation into a werewolf
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53m
if i had to describe myself in three words i’d say i’m endearing and then refuse to speak any further on the matter
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55m
curious: i am unequivocally the lucidest dreamer here, yet you fail to bend to my capricious rule. again i say: curious.
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“this situation would be easier on me if i were batshit insane again” is a healthy thought that doctors recommend i have frequently
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I’ve enrolled in the loyalty program at Lacuna, Inc., one more session and I get a free beer koozie (I was assured it can also be used for soda)
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that’s neat, and i’m not diminishing your accomplishments, but you know who really “commits to the bit”? horses. indeed, the very creatures for whom “hey” exists.
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as a small child i spontaneously developed a profound understanding of the concepts of both “ABCs” and “123s” by simply paying close attention to my surroundings
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i had a very silly thought that i didn’t tweet (it was about seeing a home decor sign that says “chocolate: here today… gone tomorrow…”, which made me imagine a roving band of cocoa thieves), which is a clear sign of maturity and wisdom and personal growth
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i went out and about and each person i encountered gave me a personally addressed, handwritten note that invariably read, “GO HOME. GO HOME RIGHT NOW. NONE OF THIS IS FOR YOU.”, which I found rude, where am I supposed to store all of these notes
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critics are raving about Me As A Person
He is sweet and good and gentle
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I believe it was Jesus Christ himself who once said, “Let he whomsoever who trusteth in the Lord his God be rewarded with his heart’s truest desires.”
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saying “mind your own goddamn business” to strangers who didn’t notice me nearby
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