TV writer/enthusiast
Joined May 2008
- Tweets 18,042
- Following 2,559
- Followers 2,175
- Likes 87,999
409 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
13 Nov 2011
I totally baby-proofed my house, but one still got in.
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Mike Alber retweeted
Jun 10
Paul Skenes, looking around as the Pirates bullpen gives up 10 runs in an inning: “Well, this sucks… but what really excites me about staying here in Pittsburgh is the prospect of a salary cap”
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Apr 5
We gotta throw all the junk science at Yax’s ankle. I want those tendons swimming in Chinese peptides, research chemicals, ivermectin marinated in beef tallow, whatever it takes man
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Mike Alber retweeted
Mar 19
The biggest game of the first round is on Friday, when Long Island battles Arizona for iced tea supremacy
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Mar 3
We should probably stop putting people who are preparing for the rapture in charge of anything
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Feb 17
This is how I picture the people who proudly post a clip of AI slop where two Marvel characters that sorta, kinda look like human actors punch each other for 30 seconds and caption it like “Hollywood is scared to death!”
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Mike Alber retweeted
Opening the microwave door one second early because you don't need all that hooting and hollering.
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Mike Alber retweeted
Jan 30
God took the wrong person from "Home Alone 2." It's really that simple.
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Jan 16
Hahahahaahahahahah
Jan 16
BREAKING: Star outfielder Kyle Tucker and the Los Angeles Dodgers are in agreement on a free agent contract, sources tell ESPN.
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As I’ve always maintained, Thomas Frank is a fantastic manager and should be given until summer to turn this around
Luis Enrique won’t extend his contract at PSG despite a gigantic contract offer, he wants a new challenge in the summer!
[@BILD]
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Mike Alber retweeted
25 Dec 2018
I believe elf dicks curl up at the tip the way their shoes do. I believe they straighten out as they become erect in response to Christmas cheer. I believe elves have two jingle bells in place of nuts. And guess what, I vote.
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Mike Alber retweeted
7 Dec 2025
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5 Dec 2025
One day, history will judge us for which side of Paul Dano we were on.
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18 Nov 2025
Seeing all this "look at the degree on that chick" discourse has me thinking the male loneliness epidemic isn't big enough. Some dudes should be way lonelier.
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8 Nov 2025
Now imagine we STARTED Odobert with RKM at 9 and kept Xavi on. Which is just the very very obvious setup.
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