If youāre a single male on the buyside and are somewhere earlier on in the career trajectory Brett describes I highly recommend skipping your usual vacs to Europe and spending at least a couple weeks in a country like Brazil.
And the earlier you do so the better.
Because when you visit countries where you can live a hedonistic lifestyle at a fraction of your NYC comp you both reset what your ānumberā has to be but also come to appreciate that the vast majority of the NYC bubble is effectively a false construct where you overpay for status to ensure you consistently get laid and are admired by peers⦠when you can just get up and go somewhere else where none of that is necessary.
To be clear I am not advocating for quitting your job but I am saying having that perspective and fallback is a massive reliever of stress and a very healthy dose of reality.
The only major downside is it will ruin any desire to remain an active participant in the New York dating scene.
I went through this exact journey myself.
After 13 years climbing the ladder at hedge funds in NYC and ultimately reaching my goal of becoming a portfolio manager, I had a major internal crisis. I had the analytical capabilities to do the job, but my nervous system wasn't wired in a way that aligned with navigating the volatility of the marketplace (and workforce) while also finding internal peace & joy. I worked with a coach, and he asked me "is this what you want to be doing at 50?". I was burned out and no longer found meaning in seeking to generate 300bps of alpha for institutional LPs - the answer was obvious. I knew I needed a change.
I decided to move my family from NYC to Scottsdale, and downshift & reorient my career, while also meaningfully restructuring my personal cost structure.
I thought the peace and joy would flow immediately upon the move...remove the stressor and joy arrives, right? Right?!
WELL, for really the first time in my life, this gray feeling of depression crept in, and it surprised me.
In NYC I was special. I had status, I had an identify. The first thing people ask at a cocktail party in Tribeca is "what do you do?". With pride, I responded "I'm a PM at Citadel". Brokers rolled out the red carpet and "friends" emerged given your perch and your ability to help them. I was infected with mimetic desire and I moved into a beautiful apartment building and was neighbors with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tyra Banks. And it was fun, it was thrilling.
Then, all of a sudden I didn't have that. I was a failed "semi-retired" PM. I looked around me, and I didn't feel special...I felt, for the first time in my life, average. I lived in an average house, drove an average car, and lived an average lifestyle. And it hit me harder than I thought it would.
And I went through it. I struggled for a solid 18 months. I went through the letting go of my ego, the letting go of the identity that I had been so carefully crafting for nearly 20 years.
What did I learn along the way?
I learned that depression is a feature, not a bug. A period of depression, when associated with the letting go of identity, is actually a well-established threshold in the archetypal evolution of male spirituality.
The journey for me kicked off a transition towards a much deeper exploration of the true meaning of life, which I believe is a deeply personal question. For me, this transition point marked a transition towards inner growth as a primary metric of success. Who I can become.
In exploration, I learned that what I was going through was far from unique, but was actually a well-established transition point in a well-lived life.
I stumbled upon Richard Rohr's wonderful book, Falling Upward, and it seemed to explain this journey in wonderful precision.
How the loss of attachment to status and identity is actually a wonderful gift!
I have established this framework as a core part of my personal philosophy of life. And, with some distance from the gray, now look at that period of my life as a wonderful gift. A necessary letting go and reorientation towards more true and more enduring sources of peace, joy & meaning.
So, if you are feeling depressed at the loss of identity. Keep going. It's a sign you are on the right track.