Trump accepted FIFA's first ever "Peace Prize" six months ago. Now he's expected to skip the World Cup opener he spent years hyping, for a cage fight on the White House lawn.
You cannot write satire anymore. Reality keeps beating you to it.
For years, Trump has hyped this World Cup as his crowning spectacle. He called it "three Super Bowls a day for a month." He parked the actual trophy in the Oval Office.
He accepted FIFA's first-ever Peace Prize in December at a Kennedy Center gala, where FIFA president Gianni Infantino gushed that he deserved it "for your action, for what you have obtained... in an incredible way." Trump called it "truly one of the great honors of my life."
The tournament opened today. The United States Men's National Team plays its first match tomorrow night in Los Angeles, the host nation's opening game of the biggest sporting event on the planet.
Aaand the host nation's president isn't expected to show.
According to reporting from Politico, multiple sources with direct knowledge say Trump is not expected to attend. Instead, the official delegation will be led by Marco Rubio. The Secretary of State, the Transportation Secretary, and the Homeland Security Secretary will sit where the president was supposed to be, in the stadium he spent years pointing at.
So what's keeping him?
Saturday is his 80th birthday, and he's throwing himself quite a party: a military parade through Washington and a UFC cage match on the White House lawn.
The world's game arrives in America, and the American president would rather watch two men punch each other in an octagon at his own birthday celebration.
Worth remembering what happened the last two times he showed up at a big game.
Last July, at the Club World Cup final, the stadium booed him.
At the NBA Finals in Madison Square Garden, the arena booed him so loudly the broadcast caught it, and his team lost on top of it.
Draw your own conclusions about why the man who craves a spotlight is suddenly avoiding the brightest one on earth.
Even his sales pitch for the tournament collapsed this week. Asked about ticket prices so high that ordinary American fans are priced out of their own country's World Cup, his answer was: "I would certainly like to be there, but I wouldn't pay it either."
The man took a Peace Prize from FIFA and can't be bothered to attend.
There's a cage fight at his birthday party, and honestly, that's the most fitting summary of this presidency anyone has ever written.
The whole world showed up to America's party. The host hid in his room with the UFC on.