I achieved something big today! Yesterday I got an idea that I'd take my cheap second-hand road bike I bought two months ago and do 100K distance today. And I did it! Even though my mind was trying to convince me that I need a special workout plan, more preparation and how bad and imperfect my approach is. I'm in the process of solving perfectionism with my therapist and this bike became a great lab for me to practice what I learned about myself, the root cause of my problems and how to stop it when it's kicking in. Because perfectionism in combination with seeking validation and acceptance from others is the reason I turned successful online projects into failure. I've been working on servicing it and upgrading patiently past many weeks, without my typical intense, hyper focused, quick burnout approach. Waiting for stuff from Ali or finding good second-hand deals. Learning everything on the go, not being afraid and paralyzed I'll make a mistake. And I finished complete groups upgrade on Friday and together with today's trip it feels so good! I hope to use this new, healthy way in this online space to build things someday. But now let me lay down for the rest of the day... 😅 P.S. My previous PR was 46 kilometers, and I'm still processing that I really made 100!

I've been having a rough time here recently. I noticed that my FOMO went through the roof. I was constantly checking the feed, asking myself after a while what the heck am I looking for over here? Then I thought what if I switch the tab? And suddenly I feel so much better, while still getting interesting posts.

I don't care about the workflow! I want to know the cost! How on earth can anyone build a business without even rough estimates? And to me this is what Anthropic is selling to us: replacing humans, even if it is more expensive and harder to get predictable consistent results.

Let's send Phil some supportive energy! I can kind of relate, because my marriage is mostly held together because of debts and lack of stable income. It's a wake up call to prioritize what is really important for me.

Toxic perfectionism. Have you ever heard of it? I didn't until the beginning of this year and it solved the hardest puzzle of my life. >Why do I get stuck with every project I want to work on? >Why do ideas similar to mine become successful when other people pursue them, while I'm spinning in circles of procrastination and abandoned unfinished projects? >Why even when I know what to do, can't I force myself to do it? I think I have the answer now: a malware in my mind setting unrealistically high standards for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in my life. I started noticing it in tiny things like for example choosing the "perfect" power outlet for a charger. 😵‍💫 Then I noticed the worst part, how it affects the way I think. It is a horrible process. My mind builds a complex chain of linear conditions that must be met. Once it becomes complicated enough I start to avoid it and then switch to another shiny new idea. And guess what?! AI is an amazing tool to "help" me with all of that. The symptoms I recognized in myself: - All-or-nothing thinking: believing that if a task isn't 100% perfect, it is a catastrophic failure - Paralyzing procrastination: avoiding a project because I'm terrified the final result won't be flawless - Never feeling "good enough": dismissing compliments, not celebrating achievements and feeling like an impostor even after succeeding - Hyper-focus on end results: ignoring effort, learning process, and personal growth because I'm obsessed with the perfect vision of the final product At first I thought that this started when my YouTube business collapsed. And yes that definitely made it definitely worse. But it's not the full truth. Toxic perfectionism was first and big part of that failure came from it. I was making my own and my employees work insanely complicated. The more pressure I felt, the stronger this process became. Algorithms changes on the platforms were like rocket fuel for my anxiety and spiraling into madness that broke me completly 10 years ago. I feel like a pathetic loser and part of me wants to apologize to all of the good people who were rooting for my success. I made a bunch of project announcements and then disappeared with no execution. But another part of me questions that. Why should I apologize for something I wasn't even aware of? I don't know what is right to think about it. All I know is that I owe you an explanation and you deserve to know what happened and why I disappeared. I was building one repo after another, going through the same insane process: starting with a simple idea and ending with a horrendously complex monster. It was like trying to launch the iPhone 17 Pro without ever shipping the iPhone 1st gen. On the positive side I learned a lot of tech during this time. And one thing that makes me feel slightly less like shit is that I made several contributions to open-source projects that got merged. What's next?! I think I need to accept that my main challenge is not only that I’m financially broke, but that I’m mentally and emotionally broken in the first place. And if I want to actually ship something, I need to take ridiculously small baby steps with extremely simple ideas. The biggest challenge is facing people who have never experienced this level of mental struggle. They may see my accomplishments as a joke, especially in this "great" AI era where everyone is supposed to ship big things because it is apparently so easy. Most likely I'm talking to the wall, after being away from here for so long. But even knowing that I feel relief sharing my struggle with the world. I no longer feel the need to hide and pretend I’m ok I'm grateful for everyone I met on my journey and I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for me. I want to give those people proof that their attention, time, energy and money were not wasted. Thank you! 🫶

Looks legit! Time to start building! 😆

Today I'm turning 45 years old. I look at calendar and I don't understand how this happened. This year passed like one month. Like blink of an eye. During this year I didn't move in space. I was moving deep into myself. And there inside, mixture of my traumas, fears and survival patterns from childhood times, so powerful that world around me almost stopped to exist. On the outside it was year of stagnation. Inside, discovering shocking truth what is in me. I discovered that I wear emotional armor. I was building it carefully through whole decades. From perfectionism. From technical knowledge. From creating not existing problems and searching solutions for them. From eternal preparing myself. From being this guy who built reach of hundreds millions of views. It turned out that my subconsciousness wanted to protect me in this way from the world, from judgement, from pain of feeling not good enough. When I just started discovering this armor piece by piece and trying to take it off. Then I discovered something terrifying. This armor wasn't put on me. It grew into me. Taking it off wasn't like undressing before sleep. It was like tearing off skin. Every piece of "maturity mask" which I was tearing away, was revealing alive, pulsating tissue. Was revealing pain that was sitting there since 40 years. Pain of small boy who every day was afraid to come back from school to home. Through most of adult life I was expert in searching for guilty ones. Economic situation was guilty. Bankruptcy was guilty. Toxic parents were guilty. YouTube algorithm was guilty. Debts were guilty. Lack of ideal computer setup was guilty, lack of ideal productivity system, lack of time. This year for first time, I looked in mirror and didn't see victim of circumstances. I saw architect of own prison. I understood that it's not external world that blocks me. It's me. It's me who escapes into research of this "best" solution of problem which I imposed on myself, to not feel fear of failure. It's me who buys next gadgets to feel momentary relief and competence. It's me who sabotage own projects, because I'm afraid that success will demand from me being someone who I'm not. This is not fight with world. This is eternal battle Me vs. Me. It's "Szymon Adult" who wants to build future for family, versus "Szymon Child" who wants to hide under blanket and read book so nobody will shout at him. For years I tried to kill this child with discipline, with shouting, with demands. I was treating him like my father was treating me. "What was in school?! Why you have so bad grades?!" This year I understood that this doesn't work. That this small boy in me doesn't need training. He needs father he never had. He needs that I sit next to him and say: "It's safe. You can make a mistake. You can be imperfect. I'm here." I'm 45 years old. I have debts. I have endless lists of unfinished projects. I have body that screams for attention. From outside it can seem that I'm in same place as year ago... But it's not true. I'm in completely different place. I'm naked. Without armor. Wounded, but aware. I stopped searching for rescue outside. New tech won't save me, new course, or new business idea. Only truth will save me. And truth is like this: I am who I am. And this is enough. Enough to start. Not from big explosion. But from one, small, imperfect step. Today is my birthday. And this is my first day in real world. Without filter. Without armor. Only me.

next day, let's see if it's fixed. anyone else seeing this or just me and the 🦗?

Prompt engineering went wrong 😆

"Everything in Omarchy happens via the keyboard — EVERYTHING! When the system first starts, you literally can't do a thing with the mouse alone." When you finish installation (mine took 4m 3s) the next step in the docs is the navigation section which starts with what I read as a kind of scary warning for someone who's not a hardcore keyboard shortcuts user. I always wanted to have less touchpad and more keyboard workflows but the lazy part of me always won so I was using just a very little of the potential of tools like Raycast. And now Omarchy with Hyprland pushed me out of my comfort zone to see how quickly (few hours) my brain can adapt to this new concept of not moving or resizing windows with the mouse and I'm finding it not only satisfying but surprisingly natural.

I watched The Standup with @ThePrimeagen @teej_dv and @dhh yesterday and look what happened... Found a local T480 16GB deal for $120 in decent condition I couldn't say no to! Now it feels good to save this machine from struggling to run on Windows but not gonna lie there will be a lot of struggle for me to learn how to even navigate that thing! 😅

If Claude said "catastrophic" you know it's bad... 😬

Pre-commit hook with strictest rules in tests is the only way to not end up in vibe coding hell!

Perfectly wrapped up!

It always feels nice to put up statistics code even on a coming soon page and see first tiny traffic ☺️

Focus in open space is hard. Focus in open space with everyone whispering around....

it's not slop if it works my friends just happy little lines that do their job

It made me check what my oldest unread emails are... 20 years!!! 😲

What is the best model to use in Opencode now?

Goodbye Opus, see you on Friday... 20x Max plan from @AnthropicAI is a joke now!!!!

And how is your Sunday going?