How could I feel this way if they don’t?
I owe you an apology.
Many of you here and on other platforms have reached out asking if I’m ok because I’ve been quiet for the last 24 hours.
Yes, I have been. Thanks for noticing.
I didn’t have it in me to strengthen others. I had many moments of total hopelessness.
Spending time on social media also means I am exposed to all the hatred and poisonous antisemitism around the world.
It threw me into a major funk.
I couldn’t find anything to grasp onto. I was lost. I was done. I was burned out.
I couldn’t continue my mission of spreading positivity. I didn’t have any to spread.
I was done. Last night I went to Jerusalem to meet a friend, a relatively new friend who is a beacon of light. You’ll hear more about him soon. But he gave me some light, some hope.
And then I woke up this morning feeling somewhat reenergized but still not where I needed to be.
But then I started to check my WhatsApp for all the beautiful videos people have been sending me that I’ve been ignoring for the past 24 hours.
This video is one of hundreds.
I watch this and I ask myself “If these guys have hope, then I have hope! If these guys can smile, I can smile. If they can sing, I can sing. If they are filled with optimism, then I need to refill my tank with optimism.”
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and whether I’ll be able to keep my head above water. I can only promise I’ll try.
So many people have told me they depend on my optimism, so I felt terrible yesterday when I was silent and when I just wasn’t feeling it.
All I can say is I promise to try. But just like you, I am not ok and I have to keep reminding myself that’s it’s ok to not be ok, and that I have to let go of things I can’t control, focus on things I can, and for the rest of it, turn to Hashem and ask for compassion.
Watch these beautiful smiling souls.
Oh God, my heart. This is SO what I needed!