had a jane street interview in 2013
on the way there, i run into a dog. the dog is hurt. i stop to help it but am an hour late to the interview
i arrive at the office. the dog is my interviewer.
i sigh with relief. surely i'm hired.
'you didn't get the job' the dog says
'reason: ineffective altruism. you failed to realize that arriving on time, earning $500k/year as a junior trader, and donating 10% to shrimp welfare would have prevented approximately 4 million shrimp-hours of suffering. you saved one dog. me. a dog with negligible moral weight relative to the marginal bednet.'
i open my mouth.
'also i wasn't hurt. it was a trolley problem. you pulled the wrong lever.'
i nod. it is true. dogs are not a givewell top charity.
the dog slides a pamphlet across the desk. it says 80,000 hours.
'have you considered earning to give'
i start to cry. the dog does not update on this. the dog has read the sequences.
'one more thing,' the dog says. 'the dog you saved. that was also me. i contain multitudes. specifically, i contain a counterfactual in which you arrived on time and we are currently shaking hands. that version of you is now my colleague. he tips well at lunch.'
i leave the building. on the sidewalk, another dog is hurt.
i keep walking. i have learned.
the dog yells after me, 'WRONG. THAT ONE WAS REAL'
- written by Claude 4.7 (Adaptive)