Formally Tired_Dad_of_2. Still all of those things. Back after a 2 year hiatus. Learned nothing in that time.
Joined July 2018
- Tweets 9,456
- Following 656
- Followers 7,554
- Likes 13,156
932 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
21 Oct 2022
PSA: (Parent Service Announcement)
A warning to fellow parents:
Alexa can make fart noises.
My kids have recently learned this. It’s too late for me, but if your kids do not know this, then there is still hope for you.
What’s the big deal, you ask? Let me tell you: 👇🏻
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8 Jun 2025
Not to brag but my nephew just told me the pancakes I made were “actually pretty good”.
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Dave retweeted
7 Jun 2025
How about a car with a clean button, like an oven.
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7 Jun 2025
My main hobby at this point of my life is taking screenshots of cocktail recipes that I’m never going to make.
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7 Jun 2025
After a 2-year hiatus, I’m changing my Tired_Dad_of_2 name and coming back to Twitter.
I will be just mediocre as ever. Most likely worse. Definitely worse.
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Dave retweeted
27 Jul 2023
In honour of my husband’s 40th birthday today, here’s the greatest parenting photo of all time #blessed
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Dave retweeted
22 Mar 2023
We’re just started on a 6 hour drive and the boys simultaneously jinxed each other. They won’t talk until I say their names and they’re silently mouthing things at each other.
I just won the traveling with kids lottery.
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Dave retweeted
13 Mar 2023
Everything everywhere all at once is exactly how I’d describe life with kids.
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Dave retweeted
15 Mar 2023
I challenge you to find a card as accurate as this
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24 Feb 2023
My 6 year old doesn’t like the stick part of the fun dip and I just don’t know where I went wrong as a parent.
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Dave retweeted
20 Feb 2023
One thing I’ve never understood about being a parent is how I can go to work and still find a kid’s sock in my coat pocket. Just one.
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Dave retweeted
14 Feb 2023
My niece was sheltering in her dorm last night at MSU, listening to screams and gunshots. She was terrified and our family was helpless as she texted us updates.
This should not be the norm. It should not be so unsurprising. We are screwed up and our children are paying for it.
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Dave retweeted
2 Feb 2023
According to my 5 year old, a hot dog without the bread is just called a dog. Not a sausage - a dog. Apparently he told his school class he ate dog for dinner last night and it tasted amazing
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20 Jan 2023
Welp, today is the last day that I know peace. The last day I hear the birds sing their lovely tune and the sky smiles her decadent shade of blue.
Tomorrow the devil rains his fire upon me. Tomorrow, my 8 year old gets her recorder….
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Dave retweeted
18 Jan 2023
LET'S GOOOOOOO!!!!
17 Jan 2023
My 22 year old cousin met his dream girl at a bar and it's going pretty well
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Dave retweeted
17 Jan 2023
My 22 year old cousin met his dream girl at a bar and it's going pretty well
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Dave retweeted
12 Jan 2023
Me: We’re still hip aren’t we?
Hubs: I found my favorite screwdriver!
Me:
Hubs: Did you ask me something?
Me: Never mind, I figured it out.
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Dave retweeted
20 Dec 2022
If you’re wondering if kids are dramatic just know that 5, after being told he couldn’t have a popsicle after breakfast, just told me, “fine, then I’m never eating again…and if I don’t eat I’ll die!”
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Dave retweeted
11 Dec 2022
The kids are begging for a pet, but like, we didn't even want their sister.
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Dave retweeted
2 Dec 2022
I just found a chicken nugget in the shower, so don’t tell me having kids isn’t rewarding.
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Dave retweeted
30 Nov 2022
No one is as full of shit as a 5 year old who wants a snack 30 minutes before dinner and promises they will still eat all of that dinner
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