My novel is now available on Amazon. You should read it just to prove to yourself that you could write a better book.

So far, the "diluted" games at World Cup have been much more entertaining than the "must-watch" matches.

The "diluted" World Cup matches have been the most entertaining. The cranks need a better talking point.

i rode a yellow school bus to the world cup with Scotland fans it was the experience of a lifetime

The Most American thing a man can do Troll the English into signing the Declaration of Independence

Anybody who says a 0-0 draw can't be exciting didn't watch Cape Verde/Spain. Congratulations Cape Verde! I stood up in my living room for the last ten minutes. My hands hurt from clapping. Such a great World Cup so far!

It's time to Mute the Cranks! Don't let them steal your World Cup joy.

I'm an American supporting the Tartan Army because one of them must be my 4th cousin. World Cup! ⚽

It was an emotional night. Well done, boys! Team USA! World Cup!

The boys are playing with confidence and freedom. Fun game! USA ⚽

How did this not go in for Canada?! 🤯

I think Argentina has a better chance of winning because Messi has grown accustomed to playing in our heat and humidity.

World Cup 2026. America 250. If you hate America, stay home. If you hate soccer, don't watch. Stop being cranks and buzz kills. (I had grok make this image.)

I still can't believe Las Vegas isn't a World Cup host city. Heartbreaking. I hope visitors come spend time with us anyway.

This is how I approach my comedy career.

I'm not as outraged by AI slop as I am by human slop.

The fact people don’t look at fraud as a non partisan issue is crazy

a good example of this is John Lydon -- uberpunk Johnny Rotten of Sex Pistols fame -- who met his wife when he was 19 or so, married her at 23 and stayed married for 44 years until her death after a long battle with alzheimers during which he was her full-time caregiver.

Spirit Airlines died tonight at the hands of the socialist crusader, Elizabeth Warren She must be so proud to add another casket to her achievements. Tonight at 3am, Spirit turns off the lights. 14,000 jobs gone. 30 smaller airports lose service. JetBlue offered $3.8 BILLION in cash to buy Spirit in 2022. Shareholders, flight attendants union, literally everyone voted yes. The combined company would have held 9% of the US market against a Big 4 that already owned 80%. For anyone who understands numbers: 9% isn’t a monopoly against 80%. Warren said no. She wrote letters. She pressured Buttigieg. Biden’s DOJ sued. A federal judge killed the deal in January 2024. Her argument: the merger would cost consumers $1 billion a year. Now look at her collateral damage she dusts under the rug. 510 pilots gone in the months after. 1,800 flight attendants furloughed in December. 14,000 jobs in 2023. 7,500 last week. Zero tonight. And that’s just the people in Spirit uniforms. Catering goes. Fuel guys go. Baggage crews, gate agents, airport coffee shops, hotels and rental cars in 70 cities Spirit flew to. Every airline job carries 3 more on its back. 40,000 people out of work because of one woman’s moronic crusade against the market. And the math ain’t mathing. Spirit abandoned 90 routes during the death spiral. Fares on those routes are up 14% on average. Oakland to Newark: $135 to $288. Fort Myers to San Juan: $92 to $219. Kansas City to Newark up 66%. That’s reality. Not some BS number from a “study.” So @SenWarren tell me how this saves the consumer money? Cheap carriers in a market drop fares 21% across the board. Southwest did this in the 90s and saved Americans $68 BILLION over 20 years. Warren killed it. That’s what moronic politicians led by socialism do. Then with her own blind arrogance, she tweeted Spirit’s collapse is “a Biden win for flyers.” A win. 14,000 people are reading termination letters tonight. And she’s taking credit. This is socialism in 2026. A senator who’s never made payroll thinks she knows how to run a market better than the people who own and work in the company. She saved you a billion on imaginary paper. She cost you ten times that in real life. She didn’t protect consumers from anything. 14,000 will go from working to welfare. She will make sure to blame billionaires, hardworking tax payers, AI, capitalism and whatever monster they will make up tomorrow hiding under your bed. Higher taxes. Fewer jobs. More expensive everything. She called it a win. I hope you enjoy winning.

This is a great month for AWFLs. They can support communism on May 1, wear an Instagram-worthy hat on May 2, drink margaritas on May 5 and pretend they're completely happy about not having anything to celebrate on May 10.

The Kentucky Derby is tomorrow. I feel like it happens every six weeks.