my very first eyeroll was coming out of the birth canal
Joined January 2025
- Tweets 22,600
- Following 1,110
- Followers 1,901
- Likes 86,936
750 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
16 Oct 2025
I identify as the problem.
My pronouns are so/what.
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Jun 13
HR said I can't make up my own rules and the workplace doesn't revolve around me, then they frowned when I said "you must be new here"
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Jun 11
Pussy so tight it got hired as a quality control tester at Tupperware.
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Jun 12
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10 ...So plenty of options
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If you get the feeling that I’m not interested it’s because I’m not
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Tomorrow isn't guaranteed, go be the embarrassing fool I know you can be and post the pictures on social media as a keepsake.
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You brag about owning nice stuff.
I brag about owning my insanity.
We're not the same.
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Twitter is my favorite platform to learn about high temperatures in summer and low temperatures in winter.
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Jun 13
An ancient civilization so advanced that they got the fuck outta here
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Jun 14
We went past our expiration date.
Now it's spoiled.
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Yes I’m still awake .
Can I get a cookie.
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what didn’t kill me gave me a dangerous level of audacity
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It’s sexy as fuck when they pay attention to the small details.
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Jun 13
Sorry, I didn't understand the assignment.
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It's nice that even in these bleak, tumultuous times we can still have a laugh. Ha.
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Jun 14
I don't want to brag, but I’ve perfected the skill of nodding during a conversation while thinking about exactly what I’m going to eat for dinner.
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