Joined December 2022
- Tweets 9,298
- Following 270
- Followers 150
- Likes 65,716
1,028 Photos and videos
Jun 12
Buddy that’s my wife
This followed by an incredibly dry handjob with lots of eye contact from a girl who hates me
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Jun 12
That was the last time my fbi agent checked my search history.
👹 In through the out door - Inferno (detail of Satan devouring the damned) by Giovanni da Modena, c. 1410.
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Jun 11
You jolt awake in a cold sweat
Your stocking cap swings forward over your dampened forehead
A pale light spills out from the room at the end of the hall
What’s this, music?
A voice rings out
“CHOCOLATE STARFISH”
“COME IN AND KNOW ME BETTER, BABY!”
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This Horse’s Anus retweeted
Jun 11
強女にセックスされてるんだけど、卵子まで強すぎて私のおちんちんを逆流して精子を食い始めてる。今玉袋の中で着床した。
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Me to my DM: “I take a handful of goblins as captives.”
My party: “Why would you capture goblins?”
Me:
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This is what a good tweet looks like.
My wife texts me to ask if I can get her and her sisters coffee at the coffee shop staffed by hot girls after I drop the kids off at school, “sure honey,” I say as I sigh, reach under my seat, grab my penis pump and jelq my beef up to maximum print under my gray sweatpants.
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Mfw I walk by the fresh fish section of the grocery store and look at my foid
Jun 2
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You’re right. Nobody gives a fuck about you.
When you’re gone all they’ll feel is relief that they don’t have to pretend to care anymore.
Live anyway. A faint hope is better than certain nothing. Killing yourself is fucking gay.
Jun 4
To all men who survived rock bottom, what’s one piece of advice would you give a man who feels like giving up right now
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I hate it when I’m out in the sticks and my cell signal goes to shit and the Chinese cosplayer foot videos won’t load.
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Jun 2
Faroe Islands locals massacre over 700 porpoises in gory 'grindagrap' tradition trib.al/X6aQzBM
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You’re resting on the stones by the fjord with your homeboy Olaf, minding the sheep. The two of you split a 12 pack of Carlsberg. As you gaze across the horizon, the sea begins to turn red with the setting Sun.
“What if the ocean was like, everywhere. Also it’s blood.”
“Whoa…”
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must be pride month my nuts are the creamiest they’ve been all year
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As a Battlemaster stan, I love medium lasers. Solid, dependable punch. Easy to stack. A ‘mech without a handful of medium lasers is under-gunned.
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May 31
A.D. 2026
Emperor Yeezus reestablishes the Holy Roman Empire.
May 31
NEW: Kanye West officially breaks the record for largest stadium concert attendance in history, drawing 118,000 fans in Istanbul.
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This Horse’s Anus retweeted
One I learnt the hard way
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May 28
First guy to aggressively keyster Levin in a really slow elevator and post proof gets all 300k of my Speedy Rewards points.
May 28
Fu*k you, POS lowlife. My level of contempt and disgust for you knows no limits. Demented buffoon
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May 28
Capri Moon
May 27
Siphoning the period blood out of my foid’s sanitary pads as a little gamer snack
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May 27
This is the ideal female body.
You may not like it,
But this is what peak performance looks like.
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