Story time: "Thanks for dinner, now I'll take your rights."
I hosted a big dinner for 18 strangers this week, bc my niece brought her track team to town. NGL, I was running on fumes, just off the plane from TN. But I adore my niece, so with help from my daughter and the boys, we went all out.
A massive taco bar with beef & chicken & homemade guac, lots of treats, a yard full of lawn games, bball on the half court, and plenty of cold drinks. The kids scarfed food and threw themselves into fun games while the chaperones rested in the cool dining room.
Imagine my surprise when to the side of the flurry I found my son calming his fuming sister.
It turned out that one of the guests, father of 7 girls, had responded to our hospitality with a liberal helping of his opinions: Women shouldn't vote, are emotional, not logical, and a truly classical education proves this.
But he picked the wrong audience. My daughter is about to graduate from the premier classically-oriented college of our time with a degree in Rhetoric. She has been writing and speaking publicly in defense and articulation of freedom for some of the most prestigious conservative institutions around.
He just happened to find her on that day in an apron, serving with generosity, rather than behind a podium or article or podcast.
So with a guileless lack of self-awareness, he poured out insults. When my daughter drew him into Socratic dialogue to tease out his reasoning, he couldn't follow, and compensated by trying to introduce her to elementary concepts of reason. The listeners cringed and left in embarrassment one by one, as her questions displayed the gapes in his logic, but he could not perceive it.
Predictably to anyone who has dialogued with the New Right, when thoroughly outgunned, he responded with irrational innate superiority. He lectured her on "dialectic" v. "rhetoric," misdefining both, and essentially displaying the exact opposite of all his proclaimed values. He could not conceive that he was facing off with an expert, cleverly disguised as a petite redhead.
But, as all intellectual women know, there was no winning. Based on the irrefutable authority of maleness, he simply pronounced her every word to be "Emotional," unbothered to produce a real retort or response.
What could I say when they relayed the story to me? "Story of my life, love. They do that until you finally become emotional over the absurdity, at which point they walk away vindicated. Just gotta let em go."
There's no reaching a man who has redefined "logic" as "what the man said." Whether he is intelligent or not, and this disposition is equally distributed among both, his real problem is at the heart level: pride. In the case of our dinner party, this man's pride led him to embarrass his companions, insult his hosts, and utterly undermine all his causes.
But there's an added dimension. Frankly, my husband was occupied and tired, and would under no circumstances have volunteered our home for that extravagant outlay of energy.
It was all me, the "Matriarch," if you will. I worked and planned and spent money to feed this gentleman with open-hearted welcome, and he repaid me by announcing to my daughter that he should be our master, ruling us through a vote we are denied.
He sat at my table, in my home, his mouth full of my food, blithely doing away with my fundamental rights as a citizen, declaring that if we are not grateful, it is only due to deficient knowledge of Aristotle. How could he know that the hands that flipped the tortillas held a degree in Philosophy?
Perhaps he assumed that because we were in aprons, sacrificing and serving, we were as he expects: poorly educated, emotional and irrational, and in need of his instruction. Perhaps our kindness even fooled him into thinking his ideas would be well-received.
The gall of it is so profound, so ugly, and so stupid that I am continually amazed at the ability of men in these circles to be that embarrassing. I could not help but feel sorry for him and plead the cause of mercy to my daughter. The poor man. His poor daughters. And the wicked grifters like Doug Wilson who formed an empire and piled up money by making men like him a laughingstock. Something my daughter and I never would have done.
This is not even close to the first time this is how my service to men in the body of Christ has been repaid. I'm almost used to it by now, but it's the lot that I least enjoy training my daughter for. It's hard to explain to her why women of intellect and capacity should serve and bless the church's men, often of lesser gifting and bigger egos, when there's a big world out there that offers much simpler access to respect, recognition, opportunity and human decency.
It's even harder when those same men are doubling down on such stupidity as they seek to drive women away from the world and back into the fold. If they would take one moment to ask themselves how they would respond to such treatment, the gig would be up. They'd have all their answers and the whole dirigible movement would pop and sink. But that's far too much logic to ask for.