I don't think there's a funnier sequence of words on earth than "Powerful Italian Dirigibles"

Here we can see the difference between a german and a frenchman solving the same problem:

This is the best I’ve ever seen a politician talk about football.

alright sorry

😊

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees. $30 per seat per month. $1.4 million annually. I called it "digital transformation." The board loved that phrase. They approved it in eleven minutes. No one asked what it would actually do. Including me. I told everyone it would "10x productivity." That's not a real number. But it sounds like one. HR asked how we'd measure the 10x. I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards." They stopped asking. Three months later I checked the usage reports. 47 people had opened it. 12 had used it more than once. One of them was me. I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds. It took 45 seconds. Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations. But I called it a "pilot success." Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail. The CFO asked about ROI. I showed him a graph. The graph went up and to the right. It measured "AI enablement." I made that metric up. He nodded approvingly. We're "AI-enabled" now. I don't know what that means. But it's in our investor deck. A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT. I said we needed "enterprise-grade security." He asked what that meant. I said "compliance." He asked which compliance. I said "all of them." He looked skeptical. I scheduled him for a "career development conversation." He stopped asking questions. Microsoft sent a case study team. They wanted to feature us as a success story. I told them we "saved 40,000 hours." I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up. They didn't verify it. They never do. Now we're on Microsoft's website. "Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot." The CEO shared it on LinkedIn. He got 3,000 likes. He's never used Copilot. None of the executives have. We have an exemption. "Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction." I wrote that policy. The licenses renew next month. I'm requesting an expansion. 5,000 more seats. We haven't used the first 4,000. But this time we'll "drive adoption." Adoption means mandatory training. Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches. But completion will be tracked. Completion is a metric. Metrics go in dashboards. Dashboards go in board presentations. Board presentations get me promoted. I'll be SVP by Q3. I still don't know what Copilot does. But I know what it's for. It's for showing we're "investing in AI." Investment means spending. Spending means commitment. Commitment means we're serious about the future. The future is whatever I say it is. As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

I was gonna say he was painting this with one hand but then I realized that’s just how painting works

Normally we don’t follow the NFL but occasionally we pick up the phone when they call us.

two old guys in the gym sauna chatting away in arabic - obvs i’ve got no idea what they’re saying until one of them goes “parallel parking inshallah”. inshallah indeed brother.

Ist viel verlangt von den Opfern, sich bei genau der Institution zu melden, die 30 Jahre lang ihren sexuellen Missbrauch verdeckt, ermöglicht, getragen hat.

The single most important lesson for Dem politicians

RT @Jezebel: We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk jezebel.com/we-paid-some-ets…

I call for a new World Order 2030 Our present World Order 1945-1991 needs a relaunch to include the successor states of #ExIndia #ExChina #ExRussia #ExIran #ExSyria We will invite them to a new reformed @UN and @wto and EU Eastern Partnership, conclude EU FTAs and to @OSCE Once they are market democracies as well to @OECD #FehlingerDoctrine #UNO350 Yes UNO will have 350 Members Free World will win Our enemies be dismantled Their people free and liberated

Sorry I can't! I'm locked in to the German Shopping Cart Return Championships...

Kehl hätte gleich mit 80 Millionen eröffnen müssen, der Stümper >:( Diese Twittertransferautistenbubble tut so weh beim Lesen.

Netanjahu warnt: "Unter dem Bundeskanzleramt befinden sich Hamas-Tunnel" der-postillon.com/2025/08/me…

just a reminder that this is in willem dafoe's article

Ich weiß, hart antisemitischer Take, aber ich finde das Aushungern von 1 Mio Kindern nicht okay

FULL SOUTH PARK EPISODE ONCE AGAIN BEFORE IT GETS TAKEN DOWN AGAIN

🇩🇪 German refueling tanker Airbus a400m Atlas over Jordan accidently turned on their transponder, it is off now. Whoops. Luftwaffe is confirmed joining in on defending Israel despite not publicly announcing their participation. How ironic.