I drive a 1981 DeLorean DMC-12. Yes I’ve had it up to 88MPH. No, nothing special happened.
Joined May 2007
- Tweets 987
- Following 43
- Followers 280
- Likes 2,382
54 Photos and videos
Todd retweeted
27 Jun 2023
these Barbie partnerships are getting out of hand
30
532
7,738
635,098
Todd retweeted
13 Feb 2020
it's cool & fine that the down payment on a house in the present day is the same amount a bond villain in the 70's would demand to prevent him blowing up the moon
17
94
Todd retweeted
21 Jul 2019
Old Navy t-shirts lose 70% of their structural integrity after 3 washes, but then hold steady for like 11 years.
1
2
6
Todd retweeted
1 Mar 2018
BARISTA: what can I get you
ME: medium roast please
B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
M: *under breath* damn
357
31,533
163,450
Todd retweeted
12 Jan 2018
If a Transformer died could you just use it’s body as a regular car? Like, respectfully tho.
207
12,643
53,914
Todd retweeted
28 Sep 2017
*elementary school teacher calling roll in 2037*
teacher: naruto
“here”
teacher: pepe
“here”
teacher: jeff
“here”
teacher: jeff
“here”
teacher: jeff
“here”
teacher: beter
“its pronounced 🅱️eter”
227
13,444
42,097
Todd retweeted
27 Sep 2017
*sees 280*
CONSCIENCE: "don't do it."
*still 223 left*
"srsly don't."
*closes eyes*
SOME
BODY
ONCE
TOLD
ME
THE
WORLD
IS
GONNA
ROLL
ME
I
AIN'T
THE
SHARPEST
TOOL
IN
THE
SHED
SHE
WAS
LOOKING
KIND
OF
DUMB
WITH
HER
FINGER
AND
HER
THUMB
IN
THE
SHAPE
OF
AN
L
ON
HER
FOREHEAD
WELL,
801
44,434
115,178
Todd retweeted
16 Aug 2017
.@realDonaldTrump I know today was rough, but hey, you still have the Facebook support of the dumbest person I can remember from high school
97
7,671
37,856
Todd retweeted
9 Jul 2017
ESPN just accidentally wrote a Radiohead song
145
13,522
45,197
Todd retweeted
Focus group. This could have been avoided with 1 focus group (of women).
1,753
21,049
83,936
Todd retweeted
14 Nov 2015
Me: nice car
Friend: yeah 400 horsepower
Me: that's like 7000 ducks
Friend: what
Me: what
82
10,305
18,946
Todd retweeted
31 Oct 2011
The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom.
24
589
1,023
Todd retweeted
31 May 2015
I say potato you say potato, another guy says potato, everyone starts chanting potato, the potato meeting was a huge success
68
6,143
11,909
Todd retweeted
29 Apr 2015
*Kid Rock reaches the front of the welfare line*
"Name?"
*he smiles, taking a deep breath*
2
167
374
