one foot out the door ~ x.com/search?q=(from:edgar…
Joined May 2017
- Tweets 89,711
- Following 2,686
- Followers 15,879
- Likes 203,215
5,395 Photos and videos
Jun 14
Seth Rogan gives me hope for white men… that they can hold other men, religious persons, etc accountable. Thank whatever power be that he exists and flourishes in his creative compassionate capacity
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nice book. do you know the oldest trick in it?
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Jun 14
Growing up with Jackass, Travis. Ken block, Tony Hawk, Shaun White etc in a time of west coast hippie-ism revival, this a such a fuckin’ bummer
Jun 13
Travis Pastrana doing backflips in front of the White House.
America, fuck yeah.
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Jun 13
I’m open to taking a chance, but I don’t want to risk getting my heart broken again*.
*going to the grocery store after 5:00 p.m. and discovering that all the rotisserie chickens are gone
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Going to urgent care is like paying $40 to have someone else google your symptoms
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Listen small child, if I’m not stepping on you, it’s your job to not stare straight into my soul
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I should be able to get a ride on a fire truck if they’re already going that way
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Resisting arrest doesn't seem like a crime to me. They should have to win.
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Jun 13
Fuck it. Next actors on actors with Tracy Morgan…
13 Dec 2021
When asking myself why these local teachers would be willing to humiliate themselves in front of a massive audience like this, I suddenly remembered an old interview with Matt Damon from 10 years ago.
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Jun 13
Being so ethnically mixed means my DNA is the real participation trophy.
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Jun 13
Men be like "I don't do labels" and then ask what's your name
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Jun 13
He’s slowly transforming from english twink into his true form, MGK
Jun 13
Ticketmaster is reportedly canceling and refunding Game 5 NBA Finals tickets purchased by fans who live outside a 150-mile radius of San Antonio — without notice 😳, per @nypost
Some Knicks fans who already flew into town and booked hotels are reportedly having their tickets canceled at the last minute 😬
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Jun 13
sorry i didn’t respond for 6 days i had writer’s block
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Jun 12
I know I should never try drugs since I don't know how to stop when just eating chips and salsa.
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Not to get too affectionate but I'd totally pass some of you ladies toilet paper under the stall if you needed it
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Jun 13
The Pentagon has released a new batch of UFO files, including videos, images and audio recordings.
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Jun 13
okay boys. you gotta stop replying to womens' tweets with gifs. you have to start using words. i know your instinct will be to reply to this with a gif, but resist. i will block you.
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Jun 12
creating menthols from first principles
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