Things most Americans agree on: Groceries cost too much. Tariffs suck and make no sense. Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks. The debt is a mess. The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good. Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained. Americans are exhausted. AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you. Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF. Canadians are super fucking cool. Mexicans are chill. Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies. Good neighbors are a blessing. Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea. We all question, are we alone in the universe? We all fuck up along the way. Epstein didn’t hang himself. The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day. The Cowboys suck. Go Birds! Things we’re told to fight about: Me. Laptop. Vaccines. Transgenders in sports. Pronouns. That’s the joke.

You only think about yourselves.

49.11 is the new 6-7.

Sometimes a sentence cuts right to the heart of the human experience in a profound way.

You only live once, so make sure to spend as much time as possible on your computer. You won’t have access to it when you die

Hantavirus arrives to the #metgala

yo apoyo el aborto en situaciones extremadamente necesarias, como cuando una mujer está embarazada y no quiere estarlo

oomf urgently called to inform us that his friend ate shit biking on the west side highway bike path and a man helped him up asked if he was ok and when he looked up it was none other than mayor zohran mamdani on his citibike. closest you can get irl to being saved by spiderman

There's a common misconception that Brutalist buildings were unpainted, but thanks to microscopic analysis of the exteriors we can now recreate what they looked like in their prime.

Oh god he knows

me to claude after it tells me my sentences are too long-winded. also, nabokov to his new yorker editor.

Not sure anyone read all of it yet. Does it have anything to do with us?

The list is longer than the song.

In double-blind placebo-controlled trials, 'gluten-sensitive' people who *think* they're going to eat gluten have reactions. But if they don't expect gluten, there's no reaction. Expectancy has a bigger effect than actually eating gluten!

JD Vance is lecturing the Pope on Catholicism and Pierre Poilievre is lecturing Mark Carney on economics and RFK Jr is lecturing scientists about vaccines and Donald Trump is lecturing the world on tariffs and Pete Hegseth is quoting Pulp Fiction and thinking it’s the Bible

This is what Microsoft Word took from us.

Very good.

I, a rabid atheist, am now following the pope. He seems like such a good man.

Wait it gets better. The Persian Empire is fighting an existential war, the Austro-Hungarian Empire just deposed its leader and the Ottoman Empire is stirring