I was hesitant when she first mentioned the bull, but seeing her blindfolded and writhing with lust, I’ve never felt less a fool. An eternity of ecstasy is written on her face, forever transfixed, as the Minotaur’s spear length phallus blooms through her cervix.

Girl at the bar: So does he follow you everywhere? Me: Yeah, pretty much. Scheming Eunuch-Hypeman: Clock ittt 💅

The woman at the pharmacy said "take care of yourself" and I nodded solemnly as though entrusted with a sacred duty. Unfortunately the first thing I did upon leaving was purchase an alcoholic beverage described on the can as "nuclear citrus."

"I'll be retiring to my chambers soon, kitten, I shall be lying on my side, sans underwear. If you feel as though your vagina is tenting, feel free to enter and plug me into you, and start making it wink." I'm writing a romance novel.

Just walked pass a smiling lesbian couple holding hands, and the smaller femme one had a black eye. Love still yet lives in the year of our lord 2026.

The boys after my bitch wife doesn’t let me go for “beers and bears” night at the gay bar for the last time.

You can’t respect women. You have to think she’s a born imbecile. Then when she does something stupid or infuriating you can say: she’s just a woman. I expect nothing of her but to be a beautiful moron. An incubator for my children. Something they’ll replace some day with a genetically modified donkey. A warm bag with tubes. What I expect of myself is to fund everything, know everything, do everything. Save her from herself. From her stupid decisions. Maintain everything constantly, while she drives to Erewhon with no insurance one hand on the wheel the other texting. She comes at you with some passionate argument and you think oh she’s PMSing. She just needs some dick. And she feels the same about me. I’m a smelly violent ape with no aesthetic sense. I dress like a child. She thinks I’m an imbecile. She has to take care of me. Save me from myself when I fly into rages, stress over money. I explain dollar cost averaging into the S & P 500. Listen if I die you have to do this. God dammit are you listening or should I just tell the dog. And she says: you are insane. She knows you’rean imbecile in ways you can’t see yourself. Because they’re the water. The things you think are flaws she doesn’t notice. She doesn’t know what Norwood is. I’m a maniac ruled by moods and hormones. Everything I feel vanishes when a teaspoon of liquid squirts out of my balls. And I don’t have to tell an AI support bot I’ll torture and kill the CEO and his children over a hotel refund. How can she tolerate me. And she’s an imbecile. She should not be allowed to vote or own property. I had to go to a government hearing for work. There was a section for public comment. A man affected by health policy talked about his wife losing her speech and dying slowly, horribly. And he quit his job to care for her. Feeding her and cleaning her. I went in her room. Thank God she was awake, and I said come here I have to hold you for a minute. I have to hold you and smell your hair and look at you.

I like to think he succeeds after death and bears witness to pale skinned a10 Jesus longing on the throne of heaven.

“I’m trying to get my friend Brooke to come out.” “I can’t remember. Who’s Brooke?” “Tall, big ass, grooms dogs.” *Tears in my eyes* “Those poor dogs…”

Had a girl tell me she wanted to “suck my dick from the back” which I thought meant she was gonna suck my dick through my ass and I got scared and avoided her the rest of the night.

Thinking about age. The poison that is reality upon youthful imagination. I find myself being content with less. At sixteen I wanted the world. Now I just want to be left alone,which we all get in the end, when death bids us to his infinite empty bedrooms.

Working eight hour shifts with Mexicans you begin to realize why they have only ever been governed successfully with extreme violence.

Third world leeches are soon going to find out the lessons their ancestors learned at the tip of the bayonet: that white people are unmatched at organized violence.

My lovely wife wanting to be more vocal when we make love as a way to spice things up in the bedroom. I light some candles to make the mood more intimate and gently begin kissing her, she whispers "talk to me." I place my mouth against her ear and tell her the story of the 1931 China Floods. It's widely considered the worst natural disaster of the 20th century, a multi-year drought suddenly broke into consecutive months of heavy downpours, causing the Yangtze and Huai rivers to completely overflow. The resulting deluge flooded an area the size of England, drowning, starving, or sickening an estimated 1 million to 4 million people. I cum.

In refractory afterglow. 33 tabs of slitless bliss yet to be closed. Hands sticky as a toddler’s fingers. A stuffed Pooh bear stares lidless in psychic shock behind me. The devil on my shoulder whispers such sins as to make Jesus forsake the cross. “Oh bother.”

Bored with grok

When someone my autistic cousin knows dies, he will write his own tell-all obituary about them on his Facebook page, detailing every time they personally wronged him or any negative impact they had on the world. I'm trying to get on his good side so that if I die before he does, I get a glowing review.

How the princess looks at you when you rescue her from the dragon