I want to talk about trust and attachment in young children. And there’s no video here for good reason.
Several of you have recently tagged me to ask my thoughts on trending videos depicting parents engaging in one appalling behavior or another - in pursuit, apparently, of social media likes.
In one trend, parents pretend to be FaceTiming with their child’s new kindergarten teacher and call their child over to meet her. When they get to the phone, the child comes face to face with a photo of a scary looking adult (which in some cases appear to be mugshots of women deep in the throes of drug addiction, if, in fact, they are real at all). The children are almost always alarmed. Often they cry.
During one of the biggest transitions in their young child’s life (the start of school), these parents have chosen to stoke anxiety rather than provide comfort.
Other recent trends have involved parents in throwing slices of American cheese at their toddlers - or, more recently, unexpectedly cracking a raw egg on their child’s forehead during a joint cooking activity.
Obviously I’m not going to uplift any examples here. But I do want to address the harm these kinds of behaviors create from a developmental perspective.
The years of early childhood are a time during which trust and attachment are (ideally) formed. With love, attention, and responsive caregiving, young children learn that their world is safe. They develop self worth and self esteem. These are prerequisites to both learning and healthy development.
But the key to developing trust is consistency.
And the behaviors in these videos - even if rare and anomalous - serve only to undermine healthy attachment between parent and child. They provide children with data points that suggest their parents can be unexpectedly and arbitrary cruel. They are a violation of hard earned trust.
Some will argue that these are just jokes in good fun. They aren’t. They are the deliberate infliction of trauma, however brief, for the amusement of strangers. It should go without saying that this isn’t good for children.
Please. Don’t. Just don’t.