Trump: I talked to Putin and told him to de-escalate the war in Ukraine.
Putin: Never happened. *blows up the Kurakhiv reservoir dam, moves 50,000 troops to the border, plays naked pictures of Melania on a loop, issues official press release saying that Trump has corresponding obligations due to Russia helping him get elected and will be obliged to fulfill them*
He’s not eating him for lunch, he’s eating him for breakfast.