I am Momma of Midgard, and I am burdened with glorious children! Geeky caffeinated wife/Autism mom/music freak/sarcastic weirdo. Avi is me. She/her
Joined July 2013
- Tweets 9,237
- Following 1,372
- Followers 2,128
- Likes 17,767
213 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
22 Oct 2018
The worst thing about someone coming to my house for a second time is that they now know I was lying when I said “my house doesn’t usually look this bad” the first time they stopped by.
3
12
41
Momma of Midgard retweeted
15 Aug 2020
Took my kids to the pediatrician yesterday and I told her we’ve barely left the house in 5 months and then she looked at me in all seriousness and asked how much screen time they were getting. I mean... c’mon, lady, read. the. room.
35
92
1,105
Momma of Midgard retweeted
9 Aug 2020
There needs to be a scientific study on how we can spend $250 a week on groceries and never have anything to eat in the house.
26
126
686
Momma of Midgard retweeted
8 Aug 2020
My kids are old enough to stay home by themselves, so most of my day is spent refreshing Google Earth to see if my house is on fire.
6
86
405
Momma of Midgard retweeted
2 Aug 2020
Shampoo bottles are more dramatic than little brothers. Like I barely touched you! Why did you fall down!?
37
551
2,434
Momma of Midgard retweeted
19 Jul 2020
My favorite part of having the kids home indefinitely is that we continue to spend $12 million a month on groceries.
8
45
275
Momma of Midgard retweeted
10 Jul 2020
Sometimes I want to make my Kids fill those old blue ice trays just so they can experience the disappointment of popping the cubes out all over the floor.
12
9
32
Momma of Midgard retweeted
8 Jul 2020
Parenting is making a sandwich for yourself, surrendering one half to each of your kids, and eating cereal for lunch instead bc you're out of bread.
46
194
1,281
Momma of Midgard retweeted
2 Jul 2020
My daughter has been hoarding empty toilet paper rolls in her bedroom.
I don’t know what kind of elaborate craft she’s planning, but I already know I want to throw it out.
15
51
409
26 Jun 2020
Just discovered that my kid prefers chicken wing drums over flats and I have no idea where I went wrong wrong with my parenting but at least that means more flats for me.
1
3
Momma of Midgard retweeted
26 Jun 2020
Wear a mask. That is, unless you want to be intubated by a gynecology intern July 1st who did her last semester of med school via Zoom.
1,782
65,730
265,414
Momma of Midgard retweeted
24 Jun 2020
Kids: *playing video games*
Me: That’s enough video games, kids
Kids: *start watching videos about video games*
Me: That’s much better
13
47
209
Momma of Midgard retweeted
23 Jun 2020
My kids don’t usually listen to what I say, but when they do, they don’t.
16
38
137
21 Jun 2020
Me, two days ago:
OMG, get off TikTok kid! Do something meaningful!
Me, today:
Oops. My bad. Carry on.
7
Momma of Midgard retweeted
15 Jun 2020
Has COVID-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
If so, you may be entitled to condensation.
629
33,624
185,635
Momma of Midgard retweeted
31 May 2020
I bet Canada feels like they live in the Apartment above a Meth Lab right about now..
1,942
47,939
330,605
Momma of Midgard retweeted
27 May 2020
Has anyone else had to buy Charmin because they were out of the cheap toilet paper and subsequently had to plunge their toilets 87 times because the kids still use the same amount of TP even though a single sheet of Charmin is roughly the weight and thickness of a sleeping bag?
14
7
91