Joined February 2011
- Tweets 131,791
- Following 1,733
- Followers 75,087
- Likes 127,774
1,184 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
15 May 2019
My personal brand is ballet flats and a check engine light.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
20 Jan 2015
The light above my stove has three settings --
"off"
"high" and
"glaucomal murkiness."
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“So mo-my-mama, mama-mo-my-mum- Take a look now at what your girl has done. She’s walking around like she’s number one, went downtown and got her a-“
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Dylan Harper I hope you know all of San Antonio loves you
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Six weeks ago I won a 75 inch TV from a $1 raffle ticket and that’s when things finally started turning around… I mean other than all the death in my family whoa that got dark my bad.
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Tonight New York finds out in real time that they’re not the Cinderella Story of the NBA finals. It’s a bunch of kids and rookies aka the SAN ANTONIO SPURS.
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We could go to the store and get a whole bunch of stuff for a charcuterie board. We’d make it symmetrical and colorful, using our perfect taste. OR… I could bust out the emergency Totino’s Pizza Rolls in the back of the freezer. Your call but I vote B.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Jun 11
Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us from evil.
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Jun 13
“For once, for once, for once I get the feeling that I’m right where I belong.”
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Jun 13
The motorcycle cop rejected my offer to listen to him vent about his personal life.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
One time I shook this guy's hand and felt his wet bandaid. So yes, I've been to hell.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Jun 12
Sometimes you have to leave people where they are
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
6 Nov 2019
Remember our core values: Intrigue. Household safety. Glamour.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Jun 12
*gestures at the Great Plains*
Once this was all AOL CDs, as far as the eye could see.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
*eating a radish as big as my head* I'm embarrassed for you.
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Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Insane outside of the membrane, too
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