Used @McDonaldsUK app, money taken, no sign of order on the app, no evidence of it on restaurant systems. McDs virtual assistant sending me round in loops. Now no food and no money. Back to cash in future.

Everyone's been asking for my predictions for the new Premier League season so here goes! Hope I don't end up looking foolish at the end of the season 🙈

What's the English for schadenfreude?

Putting "I hope you are well" at the beginning of a work email should be grounds for disciplinary action.

Please let's not forget the human element to this election result. Colin from Portsmouth has lost Penny Mordaunt 😞

Hustings is closing with a question from a resident who feels abandoned and ignored. How will next MP make residents feel represented? Foster (Labour): I'll be in South Ribble every week to deal with your issues. Fletcher (Cons): Moved my office to Leyland. Meets people every Friday. Hunter (Reform): I try to answer every email. Only took up the role a week and a half ago. Turner (Lib Dem): I do my best to answer queries and focus on residents' issues. But we have no office or full-time staff. #SouthRibble #Lancashire

Say what you like about Thatcher, at least she died. A lot of these modern Tories could learn a thing or two from that.

Been blocked by my local MP since the day she was announced as a candidate for expressing this opinion. Looking forward to feeling represented again soon

"Nigel says he's going to change the country. What did he say, Roy?" "He's going to change the country" "He said people kept asking him to stand. Didn't he, Roy?" "He did" "He said he had to step up. What did he say, Roy?" "He said his arse went when he heard the Trump verdict"

How to organise the ideal pub crawl. Step 1: Pick a suitable pub to start with. Step 2: Stay in the fucking pub.

Thought the routine was familiar @Melliebobs

Rishi Sunak watching the election coverage #LocalElections2024

Was hoping for the monty python mouse organ #bgt

Are you doing a poo? YOU'LL SEE

Susan Hall v Count Binface Who would you vote for? RT for Count Binface Like for Susan Hall

I can't use a basket apparently

Think @unitedutilities call centre staff need some serious training. Shockingly bad experience on the phone. Such an easy query too. God help those who need real help.

Thanks @SkySports for ruining the F1 that we were recording telling us the result whilst watching the Arsenal game. Just no need for that!

Where is the quality control @kelloggshelp_uk only 1.5 poptarts in a pack. Pretty poor for a premium price product