Asked the guy at the store in Texas if he could break a dollar and give me some doubloons. He stared at me with an empty face. I said “doubloons” again. No response. I started to get angry and began screaming “DOUBLOONS” as I reached into his cash register to show him what I meant.
A police officer jumped me, stuck a taser in my back, and while he was handcuffing me he told me I was being arrested for trying to steal the sacred Big Tex Tokens.
When they brought me to the oversized gallows, the executioner, wearing a mascot beaver head, asked me for any last words. By the time I managed to say “dou…” he had already pulled the lever.
This is the reality of being a Florida man living in Texas.
i uh, don’t think this is true