I am a mother harmed by NHS maternity services. I rarely talk about this, but I believe it helps people understand my position — both as a mother and as a midwife.
In my fourth pregnancy in 2019, I was mentally and physically tortured. I was told multiple times that my baby might be stillborn. I couldn’t connect with my son because I feared he might not live. I was admitted to hospital for 10 days, given steroids, and endured 72 hours of hourly blood sugar checks. Not one doctor gave the same advice or followed the same guideline.
I was unnecessarily induced at 36 6 weeks. My vagina was swollen and red raw from the medication. I endured nine vaginal examinations in 24 hours and screamed in pain down the ward. A distant memory was my peaceful home birth some eight years earlier.
My son was born perfectly healthy — neither large nor small, as they had predicted. I was judged by colleagues and spoken about disrespectfully by the consultant only minutes after giving birth.
I didn’t understand birth trauma until years later. It’s a silent diagnosis, if you can even call it that. I was told I should be grateful — I was alive, and my baby was alive. But what I experienced was significant postnatal depression, PTSD, and a devastating loss of confidence in myself as a woman, midwife, and mother.
I barely remember my son’s first year of life — lost in a fog of anxiety and numbness. He was born on the eve of Covid, and I spent the following years wading through mud, trying to keep afloat.
As a midwife, I have seen it all — blood, death, screams, suffering, happiness, joy, sadness, loneliness, peace, and indescribable torture. I have witnessed the best and the very worst of what birth can be.
People don’t understand birth trauma unless they’ve walked through it.
Alongside that, I carry midwifery trauma — the kind that comes from witnessing and enduring the brokenness of the very system you work in. Unless you’ve been an NHS midwife, you cannot truly understand the depth of that pain.
Until we can talk about this openly — without attacking each other as women — we will never heal. We need each other to push the boundaries away.
Those in positions of power need to listen and act, not gaslight and ignore. They have the upmost power and authority to make change and to me, that is no further death or harm should continue to happen.
I am a bereaved mother. I am a mother with birth trauma. I am a midwife, carrying birth trauma on a mass scale.
@wesstreeting @Jeremy_Hunt @nmcnews @NHSEngland @NHSuk