Don’t worry, it isn’t true. Last night I was at my local Outback Steakhouse, which is closing down, and the waitress, who was Persian, handed me a bunch of strange papers along with our menu. Innocently, I read through them, and, instead of finding some welcome deals on domestic beers or a list of burgers with charming and stereotypical Australian names, I was shocked to discover an execution order signed by Mike Huckabee himself. The target: Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, Ja'Marr Chase. It’s complicated, but the gist is that Candace Owens is an Israeli agent who has been working with the Pittsburgh Steelers to discredit Chase, with the ultimate aim of casting doubt on the official account of the Kennedy Assassination, and thereby allowing a betting syndicate in Idaho to win a 64000 parlay on Kalshi. As part of her role, Candace is obliged to pretend that she’s being targeted by the French government until January 5 of next year, when Marjorie Taylor Green resigns from Congress. If you listen carefully to Candace’s show, and you write down the 25th word of each of her sentences (the 24th on Tuesdays, and the 26th on November 30), you’ll find confirmation of this. I wish it weren’t true, but, sadly, the world is a dangerous place right now.