"Sorry, you can't play in the World Cup because Mark was crap at geography at school."

I love soccer because you can score zero goals and have it be the best day in the history of your nation

The day England gets bounced out of this years World Cup is going to be next level on here.

Anyway. Today we have discovered that British people are extremely defensive about a cold cheese sandwich.

"You have brought your semen outside our home, Jeff?" is a goated Susie line

Brit’s, explaining their food: so, it’s not supposed to taste good at all

Elon could literally solve homelessness tomorrow. All he needs to do is sell his stake in the companies he created from the ground up, crashing the price and evaporating his wealth as well as the savings and pensions of workers globally.. handing the control of these companies over to short term profit interests and preventing any long term vision from being enacted.. THEN take whatever money that remains which will be nowhere near 1tn and give it to homeless charities who have never solved homelessness anywhere on earth because they’re financially incentivised to do the opposite. Bam - homelessness solved. The reason he doesn’t do any of this is because he’s evil.

I have many more issues with Ilhan Omar being worth $30 million than Elon being worth a trillion.

That’s-that’s something an alcoholic would say.

Every dollar Elon Musk has made is traceable. Every product sold, every service rendered, every government contract awarded, every share of stock bought or sold. It’s all on the record. You, on the other hand, haven’t built a company, invented a product, or created anything people willingly pay for. You’ve spent the last 14 years collecting a $174,000 Senate salary. Yet somehow you managed to buy a luxury D.C. condo, a $4 million Victorian mansion in Cambridge, and saw your net worth balloon by 150% to $12 million. Everyone knows where Musk’s money came from. The same can’t be said for yours.

Canada, you had ONE job!

Me: “Soccer is gay and stupid” Also me tonight when America plays:

Guadalajara at kickoff #fifa #WorldCup #korea #czech

Brits: “Oi bruv why does this Wawld Cop have to be played in stewpid Amoorica” Some German dudes driving through the heart of the American South:

Someone’s gonna come to the US to see the World Cup and stop at a Buc-ee’s and that tweet is going to do like 8 million views

If you want to hate America watch the news, if you want to love America drive across it. 🇺🇸

Someone has got to sit these Europeans down and teach them about the Pop Tarts Bowl

RT @ammalusty: Ben Franklin didn't plow through dozens and dozens of French whores so that you could abide by fireworks ordinances

How the fuck is only 60% of the vote in/counted on the LA mayoral race? It’s fucking NOON the day after the election.