Have you seen the man in my pfp? He steals packages.
Joined April 2026
- Tweets 454
- Following 14
- Followers 6
- Likes 4,297
18 Photos and videos
Sophie. Is this even a fucking question
Ever notice,who does look older in official unedited photos ? š¤«
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Iām just a girl who made a twitter to get @UberEats to help me arrest a guy who stole shit from my neighbors I stayed a little too long bc finally I understood my terminally online right wing bf. And now Iām being yelled at for allegedly wanting to abort every baby ever conceived
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I donāt want to do this. Just to be clear because you all lack nuance. I donāt want to forcibly abort every baby everywhere. I just want my Uber Eats driver to go to jail. Damn.
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Doing the Lord's work, Your Honor. May I suggest your next project be cracking down on @UberEats drivers committing crimes on the job?
May 15
This week, I discovered a massive unmarked storage room with boxes full of forgotten equipment. Just because weāre in D.C. doesnāt mean the government can waste your money. Iām going to make sure some of it is returned to the taxpayers.
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You know whoās never gotten back to me about whether or not a certain driver named Edwin got fired or notā¦? @UberEats
May 3
Artists cancelling tours left and right. You know whoās never canceled a tour?
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Kinda like the Saturday when an @UberEats driver named Edwin stole my neighborās prescription!
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My trust in @UberEats - 0%
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Whitney, Madonna, and George for sure. However, twitter stan didn't exist in the 80s, nor did I. So right now I stan whoever at @UberEats will fire my drug-stealing driver, Edwin. (Drugs as in legal meds. he did not have an rx for but weirdly insisted on stealing anyway.)
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Maybe he could run @UberEats. Theft would go down!
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āDid nothing but steal at work todayā -My @UberEats driver stealing medication from hardworking Washingtonians
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My @UberEats driver, Edwin, lying about stealing from my neighbors
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Not me! I deleted my @UberEats account because their response to my delivery driver stealing from my neighbor's was abysmal!
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Thanks a lot, @UberEats. I only made this damn account to ensure that my driver, Edwin, who stole medication from my neighbor would be fired from your app, but now I know way too much about this creature and his girlfriend's vaginal microbiome.
May 1
In summation Brian Johnson uses a vibrating butt plug to get hard
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A mommy. Preferably one who isnāt hated by her neighbors due to their medication being stolen by an @UberEats driver.
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I would. Edwin might have some explaining to do about what heās up to on his @UberEats shifts tho.
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Me tomorrow morning at my job after spending all night tweeting nonsensical shit at a publicly traded company. This isnāt even a joke. @UberEats At least there were cats, the good looking Jackson nephew, and Nene memes involved.
Apr 30
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Yeah. You might think āWell, itās just me tonight, I donāt feel like cooking for one. I guess Iāll order a sandwich!ā And then find out not even 36 hours later that the fuckstick delivering it stole your neighborās medicine. @UberEats do you guys like the cat?
If you ignore the cat, your day will go badly.
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If SNAP recipients want to buy drinksā¦I have an @UberEats driver who could probably steal some for them!
Apr 30
The House just voted against banning soda from SNAP. Why should the government fund your soda purchases?
If SNAP recipients want to buy sugary drinks, they can do it on their own dime, not on the backs of a taxpayer-funded nutrition program.
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Time is a thief. Kind of like my @UberEats driver, Edwin.
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Edwin skipping through the whole āhey, maybe donāt commit theft while on the jobā part of @UberEats training. Ah, who am I kidding. They donāt care if their drivers steal shit! One just did and heās still out there!
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