My heart is going out to Darren’s family this morning.
I know the routine all too well.
The visit with the funeral director, making choices that seem both perpetually important and totally meaningless.
The lawyers, and bankers, the paper work.
The endless details, done through tear brimmed eyes, and that knife through the Adam’s apple that only comes from sorrow.
The condolences from family and friends, neighbours and strangers, the familiar and the distant.
There’s a good month where that just happens, day after day, keeping you busy, occupied, distracted.
But then it stops.
People around you go back to their normal lives, while you can never go back to yours.
Your life becomes a temporary encampment, tending a fire besides the hole where they used to live.
The empty spaces where they used to be.
The silences where they used to speak.
They say that you need to complete those conversations for yourself, through work in therapy.
But, you never really can.
Time does not heal all wounds.
You just have to hope the scaring isn’t debilitating, and work towards that.
I know the Marklands are not alone grieving this week.
Many other families lose loved ones every day. This week was no different.
We don’t think about all those other families, because we don’t know them.
But remember, that person who seems absent minded, the woman stuck at the green light, the man fumbling to pay for groceries, may be enduring a loss that should have them bawling on the ground.
That will come, when they get home.
So, in honour of our friend, let’s be kind to each other.
Treat everyone like they are grieving a loved one.
You will be correct more often than not.