Like beauty, toddler behaviors are often “in the eye of the beholder.”
Toddlers get a bad rap.
Consider the label “the terrible twos,” for example.
Yes, toddlers can be busy, messy, and moody, but they aren’t just agents of chaos.
And it’s amazing how far a little knowledge of child development can go in helping to shift how we interpret their behaviors as adults.
Consider, first, that your baby has just spent the better part of a year immobile and highly dependent - only to begin mastering new ways of transporting themself (crawling, walking).
Are toddlers busy? Do they want to get into everything?
Of course!
They have a whole world to explore and the newfound motor skills to match their curiosity.
Can their moods shift on a dime? Well, yes. But imagine being driven to participate in the world of adults and older siblings/playmates at a time that your emerging abilities still don’t always align with your goals (and the models being set in front of you). That’s the story of toddlerhood.
Now imagine lacking the communication skills to fully express your needs and desires. They’re developing rapidly, for sure, but still far from where they will be just a few months from now.
Finally, look at all they’re trying to learn - often through trial and error - about how the world works.
Long story short: many toddler “misbehaviors” are actually a reflection on their developmental stage - and are better understood than extinguished/punished.
Want a perfect example?
Take this little one - shared with me by X user rens_di.
You might know that I often refer to the young subjects of these videos as “our hero” - but today the hero in question is definitely Mom.
Just watch what she does as her little one repeatedly throws a towel onto the floor from his high chair.
Recognizing his curious demeanor and repeated visual tracking of the towel as it falls to the floor, she leans into the activity and makes it a game.
Where she might have responded by scolding or removing the opportunity by taking the towel away, she recognizes the activity for what it is: a first lesson in the laws of gravity.
Does that mean that anything goes and that she will tolerate endless throwing into adolescence? Of course not.
But here, she recognizes her son’s behavior both for what it is (a rich learning opportunity) and what it isn’t (misbehavior) and reacts accordingly.
That’s some A “momming” in my book - and a lovely example of how attunement with your child’s developmental stage can shift one’s own understanding of their behavior.
Well done, Mom!