🎙️ BREAKING: The Daily Telegraph's New Torque Torque Man Is Just
#RayHadley in a Retirement Wig
Well well well. Look who's back —
Ray Hadley, the fossilised foghorn of the Right, wheeled out of retirement like an old jukebox that only plays “ALBO BAD” on repeat.
Yes, Ray Hadley RETIRED in December 2024. Announced it. Celebrated it. Took the gold watch and probably said something about “spending more time with the grandkids.”
But now — April 2, 2025 — here he is, fronting “The Ray Hadley Midday Show” like he never left, streaming “exclusively” on the Daily Cryograph App™ and pushing Murdoch’s election panic propaganda like it’s 1998 and Pauline’s polling again.
Let’s call it what it is:
🧟♂️ The Reanimated Ranter – brought back to life by News Corp to feed pensioners their daily dose of Labor loathing, gaffe whispering, and purple T-shirt paranoia.
📻 In “Episode 1: You want to be our Prime Minister again?”
Hadley opens with fake concern about Albo mumbling at a press conference and spins it into a full character assassination.
His big scandal?
➡️ Albo was “confused.”
➡️ Tanya Plibersek’s campaign volunteers wore purple shirts.
Yes. Purple. Which apparently breaches some unspoken AEC aesthetic.
Meanwhile, Ray's plugging
#Liberal candidates by name, cheerleading marginal seats, and subtly implying one candidate could win Bennelong because he’s of Chinese heritage and so are many voters there.
Not racist, Ray — just deeply strategic and racially loaded.
📻 Then in “Episode 2:
#Dutton needs a Houdini act to win”
Now comes the pivot — the classic
#Murdoch Underdog Redemption Arc™.
Ray admits Dutton is tanking.
But that’s not failure — it’s drama.
Cue Houdini references, NRL metaphors, and… oh look, it’s another smear bonanza:
➡️ Mike Cannon-Brookes is a “climate hypocrite” for owning a jet.
➡️ Tony Burke is accused of “political bastardry” for fast-tracking 13,500 citizenships — with Ray claiming it was a sneaky vote-buying scandal to help Labor in southwest Sydney.
But here’s what Ray doesn’t tell his audience of angry retirees yelling at clouds:
🔹 It never happened. It couldn’t happen.
🔹 Chris Lord, Australia’s top immigration official, has publicly confirmed there was no fast-tracking for political purposes.
🔹 The claim was invented out of thin air by Peter Dutton, flailing for a headline.
And instead of challenging the lie, Ray Hadley parrots it like a good Murdoch soldier, adding dramatic lines like “worst political bastardry in 30 years” to crank the outrage dial up to 11.
This wasn’t analysis. It was a full-blown conspiracy theory with AM radio seasoning, fed to an audience already conditioned to believe Labor are up to something dark if people with brown skin get to vote.
➡️ Albanese is blamed for a UN vote that Ray says "supports Hamas" (??)
➡️ Offshore wind = evil. Casanova Bowen = the villain.
You can almost hear the Sky News After Dark music swelling underneath.
🧨 The Truth? This Isn’t
#Journalism. It’s Propaganda Pantomime.
Ray Hadley is not a reporter. He’s Murdoch’s microphone mannequin, shoved back onto the stage to play Greatest Hits for a rusted-on audience that thinks every gaffe is the end of democracy — and every Dutton stumble is a brave act of statesmanship.
He didn’t come out of retirement for the good of the nation.
He came out for a Murdoch contract and a right-wing panic campaign built on two things:
🔹 Manufactured outrage
🔹 Pensioner baiting
🔥 Final Noisy Note:
“Peter Dutton needs a Houdini act to win”?
Nah mate — he needs an exorcist to rid himself of every bad idea, policy void, and angry onion ghost from the Liberal Party’s past decade.
And even then, he’d still lose.
Ray Hadley can yell all he wants — but this ain’t the 90s.
We see the spin. We smell the desperation. And we sure as hell ain’t buying what the Daily Telegraph's Torque Torque Man™ is peddling.
#RayHadley #DailyTelegraph #MurdochMedia #DuttonDisaster #NoisyTrunk