Happy to say my short story ‘I can pay you cash’ is published by @lunatejournal lunate.co.uk/short-stories/i…

He's back 😄 #archaeohistories

Husband beater

I think the shower scene in Psycho is one of the most disturbing in cinema history. The way that horrible Terf screams as soon as she sets eyes on that brave Trans woman left me literally shaking.

Dead

Every shit parenting Karen delighted that the State has come to their rescue in the failure to parent properly is why this country is a shadow of its former self.

I know! A celebrity should write a feature on the real Hockney that they knew.

"Oh, I nearly forgot. Three pints of Guinness please"

the best part of Disclosure Day was when Emily Blunt said “IT’S DISCLOSIN’ TIME” and disclosed all over those guys

If Elon Musk’s one trillion could do so much good, then why haven’t all our multiple trillions in tax solved all the world’s problems before now?

told my teenage coworker i’m going to a concert next week and he went “you’re probably gonna go see some old shit like simon and garfunkel” and he was right i’m seeing paul simon

Rebranding the word ‘woman’ to include some men means not having a word for women that exclude all men. And that is not any kind of neutral language.

Every accusation is a confession.

I love Frank Skinner, so was flattered to discover I was the subject of his Observer column this weekend. Though I fear I may have disappointed him. His initial excitement at the prospect of a glorious feud between Hugh Laurie and a journalist who dared suggest House was a little repetitive proved short-lived. I laughed, Laurie apologised, I admitted I actually liked the show and everyone moved on. Boring. ‘Feuds just aren’t what they used to be,’ Skinner concludes, dolefully.

I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want Palestinians at a sporting event.

Another classic 😂 This time involving well-known entrepreneur, health-club owner, and champion of women and girls @DuncanBannatyne

Welcome to #LooseWomen. Now, you may have seen that Iran has once again closed off the strait of Hormuz. And it got us thinking, is it ever ok to just cut people off if they wrong you? Or should we always be looking to mend bridges rather than burn them?

She couldn't have known. There were no signs. Nothing out of the ordinary happened right in front of her. What husband wouldn't shell out £4k for a pair of his wife's old shoes? Happens every day. dailymail.com/news/article-1…

🔥 Jeremy Clarkson had a fiery clash with BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire at the farmers’ protest against Reeves’ inheritance tax raid on family farms. Victoria went straight for the gotcha: “So it’s not about you, it’s not about your farm and the fact you bought a farm to avoid inheritance tax?” Clarkson, visibly stunned: “Classic BBC there, classic. The ‘fact’ that I bought a farm to avoid inheritance tax? The ‘fact’?” Victoria doubled down: “You told The Sunday Times in 2021 that’s why you bought it?” Clarkson, laughing in disbelief: “These people… BBC. Let’s start from the beginning. I wanted to shoot. That’s even worse to the BBC. Which comes with the benefit of not having to pay inheritance tax.” He pointed out the tax isn’t even an issue for him personally as he can simply put the farm in a trust, but he’s standing with ordinary family farms that will be hammered. After sparring over the real numbers affected, Clarkson urged the government to U-turn. Victoria: “And get the money from where?” Clarkson: “Walk into any of the offices around here and if you don’t understand what somebody’s job is, fire them.” 😂 Classic Clarkson.

Lee Dixon could commentate on a bank robbery, a UFO landing and a T-Rex riding a unicycle at the same time and still sound like he's describing a rainy Tuesday afternoon trip to pick up his dog’s ashes.