Once in college, but I didn't enjoy it...
Joined February 2010
- Tweets 61,093
- Following 1,009
- Followers 594
- Likes 101,046
3,850 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
27 Jun 2020
I married late because I supposedly wasn’t “Mature enough.” Now, over 30 years later, my wife says it’s an Asymptotic Curve. Heh heh...Ass...heh heh...
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John Nichols retweeted
21 Nov 2024
GOP to quietly move Matt Gaetz to a new parish.
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John Nichols retweeted
17 Nov 2024
The number one rule of Fart Club is no gaslighting
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John Nichols retweeted
14 Nov 2024
Gaetz entering mysteriously empty Senate confirmation hearing when Chris Hansen walks in
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John Nichols retweeted
14 Nov 2024
Sequels usually suck, but, well, all of us at @IndivisibleTeam are pretty proud of this one—a brand new Indivisible Guide for Trump 2.0: indivisible.org/guide
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14 Nov 2024
When asked why he appointed Matt Gaetz to the position of Attorney General, the president elect said, “well, my people tell me that the great Charles Manson is unavailable.”
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John Nichols retweeted
11 Nov 2024
I got fired from my job, because I kept asking customers whether they’d prefer “smoking”, or “non-smoking”.
Apparently, the correct terms are “cremation” or “burial”.
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John Nichols retweeted
11 Nov 2024
Me: I'm having a really good day except for newpussycat
Friend: What's newpussycat?
Me: WHOA A WHOA WHOA OOOH
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John Nichols retweeted
10 Nov 2024
Omg 😭
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John Nichols retweeted
7 Nov 2024
🚨NEW: Senator Elizabeth Warren has called on Senate Democrats to confirm a flurry of federal judges and regulators prior to Republicans retaking the majority.
RETWEET if you agree with @SenWarren!
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John Nichols retweeted
9 May 2017
Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS?
Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast?
N: Yes?
M: I can't do that.
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John Nichols retweeted
5 Nov 2024
It’s his time
ALT Breaking News Counting Expert Called In with a picture of The Count from Sesame Street
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John Nichols retweeted
5 Nov 2024
In 2008, David Sedaris wrote about the mysterious segment of the electorate known as undecided voters. “I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?”
newyorkermag.visitlink.me/u3…
ALT An excerpt from “Undecided,” by David Sedaris, that reads, “The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. ‘Can I interest you in the chicken?’ she asks. ‘Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?’ To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.”
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John Nichols retweeted
1 Nov 2024
Damnit Dave can't you keep a secret?
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John Nichols retweeted
1 Nov 2024
Someone in my neighborhood handed out whistles to the trick-or-treaters and that is just diabolical
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John Nichols retweeted
1 Nov 2024
me: you can't take all that candy to school
son: then what do I do with it?
me: you leave it here
son: here? with you?
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