Made from real cheese. Not intended for use as a dental drill. Wolves are allies. Car guy, for life. Also, I'm bully-proof and I enjoy ham.
Joined December 2012
- Tweets 82,409
- Following 2,655
- Followers 4,657
- Likes 156,255
2,888 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
4 Mar 2016
No, I don't have any safety pins but I do have some self-destructive reckless abandon pins.
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If you're in retail sales and have a morning meeting without a guy that looks like Steven Segal in Hard to Kill after a 7 year coma are you really even part of a team?
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 10
🎶But sometimes I wonder as I look in your eyes,
Maybe you’re thinking of chili cheese fries🎶
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 10
I accidentally loved something when I merely meant to like it.
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 10
Got a loaf of laundry in, straightened up the Kitchen.
I'm bored.
What's going on Twitter?
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 11
It’s the only place where you can find a genius, a troll, and a complete stranger debating the meaning of life all in the same thread. Nowhere else gives you front-row seats to the collapse of social decorum quite like this.
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 10
Back off, Your Honor — I’m an ordained sesquicentennialist.
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Can you use algebra to figure out if the settings on your toaster are actual correlations to time?
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
May 15
I'm putting the finishing touches on everyone's summer reading list. Hope you like pamphlets.
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 8
Some people make it easy to understand why animals bite us.
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 9
Just for fun let's talk about dollars in terms of clams again, ie how many clams will I have to shell out to get a cup of joe in here.
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 9
I just used algebra to find the right Tupperware lid. Stay in school, dipshits.
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Is there anyone under the average age of a vampire that owns a Corvette?
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
My default setting is 'disappointed'.
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Let's play a game of guess the window sticker and whether or not the transport driver was Russian.
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Lizardo D Ammit retweeted
Jun 4
Welcome to Twitter. People will get mad at you if you question a cartoon dog flying a biplane over Europe to fight in WWI
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