Every time I open this app I feel like Iām walking onto a GB News set, a dimly lit room full of ugly, thick racists. Billionaires colluding with the far right, foreign powers brazenly destabilising, traitors selling out Britain using the guise of patriotism.
If they were honest about their crimes or shady associations Iād respect the transparency but theyāre conning millions for profit and itās sickening to watch. Private schoolboys daring to tell us what we are or believe, enrages me. Cap doffing is passĆ© so they cosplay as the āevery manā - conspiracy the weapon of choice.
The most depraved people imaginable are caricatures in what feels like the most fucked up dystopian fiction ever created. It feels like our reality is a series co written by Orwell and JG Ballad, produced by Chris Morris and directed by Charlie Brooker.
I foolishly had more faith in people but by capitalising on 14 yrs of ideological austerity, devastation and division generated by the Tories/ Brexit, Farage managed to con millions AGAIN. Despite being the obvious cause. Itās a multi tiered con job. Helped by right wing media constantly platforming them.
I have lovely followers who I genuinely enjoy talking to but wading through the hate, lies and conspiracy is a lot. The algorithm is so skewed it feels futile. White rich male billionaires deciding whatās free speech? Laughable.
Twitterās always been the Wild West but now itās like The Purge - if youāre real (not a Russian bot) and donāt want your country to regress to the 70s or become like the Republican US, youāre outnumbered.
On a personal note: Iāve not been well. Severe burnout? Exhaustion? Hoping itās not long covid.
The past 4 years have been a rollercoaster, I never expected it to take off and Iāve not known how to handle it. Thatās before you get to the abuse: Twitter is an app designed for others to anonymously ruin your life, now more so than ever.
I donāt know if itās coordinated or even real. What I do know is I spent 2 yrs not trusting anyone around me as every facet of my online history from 15 yrs before I talked politics was found and shared. Men Iād known for years and bitter acquaintances, joined trolls to shame me. False subtext added to things I thought were private or had long forgotten about, including blogs to process abuse. Endless impersonators affecting my ability to earn a living.
Iāve been uploaded onto wank sites. People tweet my name for hate likes. Scum on Tattle screenshot everything I do removing context and adding false subtext. Endless awful assumptions about who I am, far removed from reality, for what? Pisstaking about politics?
Iāve been threatened, sexually degraded/harassed every day for 4 yrs as a woman with CPTSD thatās suffered violence. Been libelled constantly, intimidated, hounded. Iāve suffered BDD yet been called fat and ugly daily. This isnāt exhaustive. Most will never know what itās like. I have over 18k abuse screenshots but powered on *despite* it.
This shouldnāt be the price I pay, itās not normal. Iāve had to fight a horrific daily battle just to speak and retain what Iāve built.
Iām not suicidal or in crisis, to be clear, Iām just exhausted. Years of my own stuff which was concealed by the political hyperfocus has resurfaced simultaneously; grief, heartbreak, living in fear, sleeping with a knife under my pillow, neighbours on speed dial, doxxing, etc. Limping from one horror to the next.
My body & brain said ānahā. Itās not a case of stopping itās more that I canāt process or focus and this app is the worst for it. My priority is feeling better. I need a holiday, but lifeās getting in the way. Iām gonna try to do something for charity in Sept, to help other women. Iāll say more soon.
To be clear, E is making this app a very dangerous place for women and increasing an already high real life threat to us and other vulnerable groups, especially those who dare to be outspoken or fight back. So fuck him.