Crazy that I’m single when I’m such an amazing cook

Baseless unfounded accusations from 5ft about the possibility I may or may not have given unsanctioned treats to the kitties… this is an assault on my good name and character…. I have in the strongest words possible denied these ridiculous charges.

5ft went to Pilates to work out today

So this month is both 5ft and my birthday month… for a long time now we have intentionally split the month so as not to concentrate our birthdays (which are 10 days apart) Today she sent me a gift card for shooting clays…

5ft: stop it Me: what? Stop what 5ft: stop making me laugh… Me: what? Why am I funny? You mean like a clown? Do I entertain you? 5ft: ok Joe Pesci…. seriously knock it off I have a migraine and every time you make me laugh my head hurts… Me: ok… I’ll be serious…. And you can call me Shirley. 5ft; lololool… STOP…….

So I’m starting to think I might be feeding the wildlife a tad too much at casa de ripper… Whilst watching tv Mr squirrel climbed up to the large window and tapped asking for me to fill the bowel, without thinking I got up, put out assorted nuts and filled the water tray all with him being about a foot away.. Went back to watching tv for him to jump back onto the window and watch with me while he ate…

Me: you busy? 5ft: very… Me: doing what? 5ft: send pic

Axil is 84, Mike is 79 both combat vets retired… they come to the BBQ…. The two hobble up and first words out of their mouth were “Where’s 5ft?” I tell them she couldn’t fly in this time but maybe next month or after next… Mike gives me a death stare and says “brother I’m 79… not too many sunrises left for me G-d willing… I’d like to see her as much as I can before……” Me: Mike you just like that’s she’s hot and has long hair…” Without missing a beat he says “No, just trying to get used to hanging out with Angels…” She’s going to tear up when I tell her.. Old guy still smooth… I’ll bet he cleaned up when he was young…

Yeah we would get along great

So fed the old guys today…. Bushed… I smell like bbq They went home well fed and took the left overs….. See all them on the 4th

So 5fr has a potluck today that started at 6pm Floof standard time… Af 6:30 she called me because acme Inc client (which went against her recommendations) attempted to install their new stuff themselves and now it’s a shite show… We have been venting for nearly a half hour as she drives like nascar across town crafting a recovery strategy to airdrop specialists in to fix things… She arrived at the potluck still talking to me mad as all get out at the team that messed things up, then turned sweet as pie, said I love how you always jump in to help, hugs kisses…… She texted me they think we are crazy…. Potluck crew: You going to F him, fight him or both?

One really nice thing about Texas in the summer is you are 100% sure no one is hiding in your backseat to kill you

What my and 5ft day is like most days 7:30 Good morning are exchanged with sometimes FaceTimes while eating breakfast… 8:30 usually first call one of us has sometimes together 8:31 meme war, snotty texts, kitty pictures 8:40 war escalates… 9:22 call ended early, phone call usually dunking on the current loser or meme war. Repeat until lunch… Phone/FaceTime eating lunch while commenting on how stupid Debbie from accounting is and how much Chad is a douche Repeat from lunch 6:30 call complain about work, argue current events, plan next meet up prepare for evening meme war 11pm last meme salvo for the night

Breaking Now: The war has just begun.....

GM

I just got in a massive argument with T over which vowel is most important, it got pretty ugly.. but in the end, I won.

The 32nd flavor

GIVEAWAY! Our weekly Red Ryder BB Rifle GIVEAWAY is here, NOW! Rules: Like this post Follow us Share this post Be in the USA 🇺🇸 We do these giveaways because we believe American children should grow up with American Traditions, and no tradition more American than learning to shoot from you parents or grandparents, and @DaisyRifles Red Ryder BB Rifles are a part of that American Tradition. 🇺🇸 We have no affiliation with Daisy, we just think they’re awesome for everything they do for American Traditions! We wish you all good luck, and thank you for participating! Go out and be the Positive Influence in someone’s life today. Keep That PMA ! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

I had grok improve on my meme and I think I like this one better than the original. Spread it far and wide

5ft: you got a package… Me: why thank you… 5ft: OMG I mean like an Amazon package you dork… Me: yeah… just watched the Amazon girl struggle a bit bringing it up the walk way. 5ft: struggle? Is it ammo? Me: hammers 5ft: hammer or hammers? Me: with an s plural. 5ft: ok I’ll bite why more than one? Me: for different things, ball peen, sledge, claw, rubber, tack and a few others. 5ft: have no idea what any of that means but I do know this…. Me: what? 5ft: you can say you’re hammered now… Me:…. And you groan at me for the dad jokes…