Came for the jokes, stayed for the misandry
Joined May 2013
- Tweets 27,074
- Following 662
- Followers 971
- Likes 65,029
4,852 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
6 Dec 2015
Donald Trump's complexion reminds me of a leather belt my Dad used to beat us with.
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25 Sep 2016
[first date]
her: what are you getting?
me: [holding menu close to my chest] none of your fucking business
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8 May 2018
Sometimes I wish some of you lived closer...to a place with no internet connection.
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21 May 2017
Missed connection
I considered the fragility of your skin tag while you seemed distracted by my sunlit cheek fuzz
Drinks?
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26 Nov 2016
How I feel when guys use the word panties
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Jun 15
🔥Cheech and Song, "Beaners." How I miss my youth. 😌😂😂😂
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27 Dec 2022
My 'It's Pat' and Gwen Stefani impressions are indistinguishable
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Jun 15
If you're wondering how the motion picture It's Pat has aged, I can answer conclusively: not well.
nathanrabin.com/happy-place/…
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Jun 15
On today's episode of what was I thinking
Give me a Vegas 109° every time
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Jun 15
Having 1-2 wines at work lunch sometimes makes you experience the rest of the day like you’re in mullholand drive
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Jun 14
The one thing all my doctors agree on is that whatever is wrong with me is not their department.
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Jun 14
Husband who hasn't mastered the toaster oven thinks the edge trimmer is too tricky for me to use
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14 Jun 2016
My dad's brand was cheating on my mom with ugly women at work.
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Jun 12
Godspeed Gene Shalit. 100 years of being your own person and doing things your way.
My tribute is the SCTV Gene Shalit's Critics Special.
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Gene Shalit, Longtime 'Today Show' Film Critic, Dies at 100 variety.com/2026/tv/news/gen…
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HELP: We are seeking the pubics assistance locating this man that dispensed a fountain Busch Light without providing ID this morning. When confronted, he threw a $5 bill at our cashier and ran out the door.
Even if your child is doing your beer run for you, it is still required for them to show your ID to an employee. If located, please notify us so we can give him back his $2.00 in change.
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No ma’am, I don’t have a boarding pass. I’m simply here to enjoy the world famous dining and nightlife at O’Hare International Airport
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