In America, the first time I entered a gas station, I thought it was a place to give fuel to the car.
As a Japanese person, this seemed reasonable.
Gas station.
Gas.
Car gets fuel.
Finished.
The answer is in the name.
But America had other plans.
I opened the door, and suddenly I was inside a small counseling center for bad decisions.
Coffee.
Hot dogs.
Potato chips.
Beef jerky.
Phone chargers.
Sunglasses.
Somehow, hats.
And a drink large enough to ruin one man’s hydration plan.
I had come for gasoline.
But the building looked at my entire life and said,
“You are missing several things.”
Outside, my car was waiting.
But the moment I stepped inside, the problem was no longer the car.
It was me.
Sleepy.
A little hungry.
Thirsty.
Phone battery low.
Suddenly convinced beef jerky was important.
Somehow, sunglasses seemed necessary for the man I might become later.
That was when I understood.
In America, a gas station does not only refuel the car.
It refuels the person who made bad decisions.
I picked up coffee.
Understandable.
Then a hot dog.
Still acceptable.
Then chips.
Now suspicious.
When I picked up beef jerky, even I thought,
Who are you?
And when I added a phone charger, I finally understood.
This was not shopping.
This was self-disclosure under fluorescent lights.
A man does not enter an American gas station.
He confesses to it.
I paid and walked back outside.
My car was still waiting.
Still hungry.
I felt guilty.
I came here for you, my friend.
But somehow, I was filled first.
That day, I thought I had come to buy gasoline.
But I left having refueled myself with coffee, jerky,
and a personality I did not have yesterday.