What did you do this morning? Oh, I don’t know, ran off a cliff with some guy I just met. 🪂

One of my favorite games to play as an adult is: Did I take ibuprofen 30 minutes ago, or did I just think about taking ibuprofen 30 minutes ago?

Punishing homeless children to show the world he is a better Christian than the Pope

No greater metaphor for this entire week than Pete Hegseth quoting a fake Bible verse from the movie Pulp Fiction to Pentagon staff.

MAHA going well I see

It wasn’t a picture of me as Jesus it was a picture of me as a doctor because I help a lot of people.

“The Strait of Hormuz is open and the sailors are having a wonderful time”

“The Pope is soft on crime!” is something you’d hear an angry hobo yell from a cardboard box.

Godspeed Artemis II

I’ve run out of superlatives for Matthew Schaefer. #isles

This stephen miller tweet aged like stephen miller.

Hello friends…

Actual quotes from President Trump: Trump’s “victory timeline” claims. Mar 3: "We won the war." Mar 7: "We defeated Iran." Mar 9: "We must attack Iran." Mar 9: "The war is ending almost completely, and very beautifully. March 10: practically nothing left to target Mar 11: “You never like to say too ⁠early you won. We won. In ​the first hour it was over.” Mar 12: "We did win, but we haven't won completely yet." Mar 13: "We won the war." Mar 14: "Please help us." Mar 15: "If you don't help us, I will certainly remember it." Mar 16: "Actually, we don't need any help at all." Mar 16: "I was just testing to see who's listening to me." Mar 16: "If NATO doesn't help, they will suffer something very bad." Mar 17: "We neither need nor want NATO's help." Mar 17: "I don't need Congressional approval to withdraw from NATO." Mar 18: "Our allies must cooperate in reopening the Strait of Hormuz." Mar 19: "US allies need to get a grip - step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz." Mar 20: "NATO are cowards." Mar 21: "The Strait of Hormuz must be protected by the countries that use it. We don't use it, we don't need to open it." Mar 22: "This is the last time. I will give Iran 48 hours. Open the strait" Mar 22: "Iran is Dead" Mar 23: "We had very good and productive talks with Iran." Mar 24: "We’re making progress." Mar 25: “They gave us a present and the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.” Mar 26: "Make a deal, or we’ll just keep blowing them away." Mar 27: "We don’t have to be there for NATO." Mar 28: No major quote Mar 29: Claimed talks were progressing Mar 30: "Open the Strait of Hormuz immediately, or face devastating consequences." Mar 31: Claimed a deal was "very close" and that Iran would "do the right thing" Apr 1: "We’ll see what happens very soon." Apr 2: Repeated that a deal was likely, while warning of continued strikes if not Apr 3: "Something big is going to happen." Apr 4: Said Iran must comply "immediately" or face further consequences. Apr 5: "Open the fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah." April 6 :a whole civilization will die April 7: total and complete victory April8: objectives were met A true disaster

It’s TACO Tuesday once again. 🌮

Trump just said he will learn Spanish and run for president of Venezuela. He’s polling so high there.

Listening to Trump on TV and he sounds so stupid. Who taught him to speak like that with the “very very” and “the likes no one has seen before”. It’s embarrassing.

DEAR MR. TRUMP, THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING YOUR APPLICATION TO THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE COMMITTEE. WHILE WE REVIEW YOUR "LIVING IN HELL" STATEMENT OF LOVE AND PEACE, WE SUGGEST YOU APPLY TO THE INTERNATIONAL COURT AT THE HAGUE. YOU ARE EXACTLY WHO THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

One month after starting the war in Iran, this is the statement of the President of the United States on Easter Sunday. These are the ravings of a dangerous and mentally unbalanced individual. Congress has got to act NOW. End this war.

Jennifer Welch on Pam Bondi: “This woman, she is just a fucking cunt. This child sex ring raped and took away from so many young girls. She gets into that position to protect rapists. That’s gonna be her obituary. That’s what she will forever be remembered by”

🎶 Ding Dong the witch is gone 🎶 How’s the Dow doing?

📍 Raleigh Tailgate 📅 April 4th begins @ 2pm Good vibes, great people, and all the playoff run energy we can bring. #Isles #Islesmeetups