What can I do for you? Seriously, Ask. I'll say no if I can't. he/him/his Creator of Alphabetical Order, you’re welcome.
Joined May 2011
- Tweets 56,097
- Following 673
- Followers 548
- Likes 41,495
4,879 Photos and videos
Patrick retweeted
Jun 12
Hi God, it's me, Anne, and this is seriously th e last favor I will ever ask for:
Thunderstorms are currently forecasted for Trump’s birthday in Washington, DC this Sunday when the UFC fight is set to take place on the White House lawn.
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Jun 12
Master Negotiator DT.
Jun 12
Withdraw all forces from Persian gulf, lift all sanctions on Iran, give Iran $12B immediately and $12B more in 60 days, give Iran $300B in construction, let Iran control/toll Strait of Hormuz. US gets promise to discuss Iran nukes. This is not a deal. It is a US surrender.
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Jun 11
Mexico is paying for the wall!
Jun 11
Trump won the war.
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Jun 8
I can't believe I'm saying this, "Come on NYC, America is counting on you. Do your thing."
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Jun 8
Not only do I like The Phantom, I think @BillyZane is good in it and it deserved a sequel.
I won't be taking questions at this time.
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Patrick retweeted
Jun 1
Imagine if a woman president crashed the economy and started a war with no end in sight, and her biggest, seemingly ONLY concern was building a ballroom and redecorating the White House.
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Jun 1
Aaron Altman would like a word. Cc: @AlbertBrooks
Jun 1
They should make a movie about the TV news business. It would be so good. nytimes.com/2026/06/01/busin…
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Jun 1
I got to spend yesterday wandering through Central Park and the MOMA with She Who Must be Obeyed.
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May 30
This sounds like she's threatening the President.
May 30
We want the Death Penalty for anyone who rapes a child.
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May 30
What a fool!
May 29
An old, but apt fable:
A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of the river. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: "I am sorry, but I couldn't help myself. It's my character." @Wikipedia
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May 26
If you need a great example of pandering?
I give you Pete Hegseth.
May 25
Two simple Truths:
Jesus Christ died for our sins.
America’s fallen died for our freedom.
May we live worthy.
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May 26
What do you mean, "over qualified?"
we’re hiring 10 Masturbation Consultants
$2,000/month to test our new Daily Guided Masturbation feature and document the effects on stress, sleep and mood
yes it’s real
yes you get paid
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May 21
I'm not a professional showbiz comedy writer, I'm just an erudite and devoted comedy fan. How does @CruzKayne It's Raining Fish not get made? @BrianStack153 please tell me you were a yes vote.
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May 19
I feel so badly for Rob. Please don't mock him. I think he means well he's just not too bright.
May 18
Dear Bill Maher,
I am waiting for your apology for you yelling at me on your podcast about the Jan 6th “Insurrection” that turns out to be an inside job WITH 26 @FBI CONFIDENCIAL HUMAN SOURCES…
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Patrick retweeted
May 18
In an ideal world the President of the United States and the worst person in the world would be two different people.
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May 16
You should get an Emmy for this.
BREAKING: Bill Maher has died.
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