Off to beiger pastures. Find me at beige.party/@theropologist
Joined October 2014
- Tweets 91,688
- Following 3,437
- Followers 4,249
- Likes 106,586
1,315 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
6 Jul 2023
IT'S THE LAST THEROPOD THURSDAY!
Folks, it's time for me to close up shop here. Thanks to everyone who has participated over the years. It's been a lot of fun. If you have any interest in Mastodon please check out the instance I run at beige.party
NOW SEND TWEETS!!!
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
1 Jul 2023
Canada's Wood Buffalo National Park is bigger than Denmark, but contains approximately 68% fewer LEGO® viking minifigures. #RandomAndFakeTrivia #CanadaDay
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
2 Jul 2023
Most white cats with blue eyes are deaf, while the remainder are just ignoring you. #RandomAndFakeTrivia
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
6 Jul 2023
An average dinosaur weighed about 3,500 kg (7,700 lb), while a below-average dinosaur weighed less. #RandomAndFakeTrivia
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
6 Jul 2023
My pair of poodles have learned how to make a pillow-fort. Don't ask me how, they're self taught.
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
6 Jul 2023
cocaine is actually legal in there. that's why they call it the Whitehouse and Biden's code name is the "snowman".
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
7 Apr 2022
Underwire broke and now I’ve got one boob in my pocket and the other one is hailing a taxi cab
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
23 Jun 2023
Boy, nothing is more misleading than having someone invite you over to "Netflix and chill" and then all you end up really doing is just watch a movie and relax.
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
29 Jun 2023
Carefully placing the toilet seat cover in a public restroom only to have it blow away the second I sit down is just the way I roll.
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
4 Jul 2023
I always thought my dog hated 4th of July because of the fireworks, but it turns out all this time he was just a 1700s English Sympathist. 🤷♂️
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
6 Jul 2023
I spent a solid 10 minutes lecturing my kid about not writing on the couch with a pen and she said “It’s a marker not a pen.”
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
5 Jul 2023
for the potato fears not death
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
2 Jul 2023
Me: Wait, dead presidents means money?
Zombie George Washington clawing his way up from the basement: BRAINS
Me: NOT NOW GEORGE
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
28 Jun 2023
The Burger King can legally officiate a wedding, but only if the rings are onion rings
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
6 Jul 2023
Manifesting the lady on the plane by going into department stores and shouting at mannequins.
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
6 Jul 2023
Have hit the point in summer break where I tell my kids to play outside and not come in or else. Follow me for more gentle parenting advice.
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
28 Jun 2023
Like a fallen ice cube kicked under the refrigerator these are the days of our lives.
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Velocirooster chicxulubensis retweeted
5 Jul 2023
boss: why are you late
me: i'm sorry, there was a car accident reel on instagram and i slowed down to take a look
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