@thefishpants profile picture
The Fishpants @thefishpants
Joined March 2009
  • Tweets 25,117
  • Following 3,739
  • Followers 3,441
2,452 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
The Fishpants@thefishpants
25 Jan 2025
Checking out. Keeping this account alive in case this platform ever gets sold to an adult again, but I'll be at the other place if you're looking for me. ✌️
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The Fishpants retweeted
.:RiotGrlErin:.@RiotGrlErin
17 Jan 2025
brains in front of zombies on treadmills would provide a source of sustainable energy for the apocalypse but what do i know i’m just a girl.
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tera-cotta@notincharge7
17 Jan 2025
let's take away the voicemail option we have the technology
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Ok Kate@Kateness8
14 Jan 2025
I can cry on command. Just tell me to do something and I’ll cry
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meghan
@deloisivete
17 Jan 2025
My 7yo keeps referring to the medicine cabinet as π‘‘β„Žπ‘’ π‘ π‘’π‘π‘Ÿπ‘’π‘‘ π‘šπ‘–π‘Ÿπ‘Ÿπ‘œπ‘Ÿ, so now I'm expecting Nancy Drew to show up at any minute to investigate
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Tspot@hollarbacktime
15 Jan 2025
Help is available 24/7. If you’re a vet or loved one of a veteran in crisis, please call.
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RIP David Lynch, I know Heaven has a special place for you. A weird, creepy, dreamlike place with 1950s music playing and at least one prolific character actor. Also there are probably like 85000 people who have been waiting to ask you some questions.
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Rick Aaron@RickAaron
16 Jan 2025
Whenever Capital One asked β€œWhat’s in your wallet?” I was always embarrassed that it was a Burger King coupon and a Trojan condom that both expired in 1998.
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Jennifer Killa Dilla@HauntedJennifer
16 Jan 2025
Sometimes I worry about humanity, then I see the β€œdo not pet the dogs” sign in the airport security line and know we’ll be ok.
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The Fishpants retweeted
Trash Pandamonium Contest@ContestThursday
16 Jan 2025
πŸ† THURSDAY CONTEST πŸ† This week's theme: DRAGONS LET’S TALK ABOUT DRAGONS AND STUFF. Give us up to 3 πŸ‰ NEWπŸ‰ tweets (written today) about all things DRAGON! Open to all size accounts. Ends 10PM EDT πŸ₯³
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Welcome to the 1275th annual Evil Wizard's Convention! A few quick announcements: To the owner of a BLUE dragon, you're blocking the golem's entrance, we need you to move it. Necromancers PLEASE keep your undead hordes INSIDE the pentagram, we don't want a repeat of last year.
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I was today years old when I found out that the mile high club is not when you eat a Denver omelette in an airplane bathroom.
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"Peanut Butter as a Coping Mechanism" My new holistic medicine guide? or Title of my Autobiography?
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OK at this point I'm pretty sure we've all been dead since at least 2020.
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Drew (some assembly required)@dmc1138
14 Jan 2025
I like how β€œenergy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.
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tera-cotta@notincharge7
14 Jan 2025
If you're standing right next to me I will not find that thing you asked for. But if you leave it will magically appear.
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Due to budget cuts, we can no longer take you to Funky TownΒ  It's now divided into Funky Hamlet and Funky Incorporated Township
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Things that come in threes: Stooges Musketeers Days Grace Cat puke piles
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.:RiotGrlErin:.@RiotGrlErin
14 Jan 2025
me: dating is hard me on a date: like what if godzilla was an atheist and we just named him that
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The Fishpants retweeted
meghan
@deloisivete
14 Jan 2025
*fills out form* *clicks "send me a copy"* email: *dings* me: ooh what's that
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