Pope Francis died a year ago today. I would like to share one memory, which I think reveals something of what made him such a holy man.
In May of 2024, after it was reported that Pope had made some negative remarks about gay priests and used an Italian slur (“frociaggine”) in a meeting with Italian bishops, there was a firestorm of reaction. Even I wondered: How could this be? We had had several conversations and notes back and forth about LGBTQ issues. It seemed so out of character.
A few weeks later I was scheduled to be in Rome after helping to arrange a papal audience for a group of professional comedians. The pope invited me to see him, along with two friends who served as translators. I asked a cardinal friend how I could possibly bring up something so difficult—the question of gay priests and his use of language. My friend said, “Just say, ‘Holy Father, these things have been much in the news. What thoughts do you have?’”
The very first thing Francis said, as if he had been waiting to say it, was that he knew many holy, faithful and celibate gay priests and seminarians. When I suggested that it might help to say so publicly, he said, “Oh, but I think I have. And in any event, you can say that!” I wanted to make sure I understood him, so said, “So you’re saying I can say that you know many holy, faithful and celibate gay priests and seminarians?” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Of course. Because I do!” My friends also told him that he shouldn’t have used that slur. He nodded sadly, and said, “Yes, yes, you’re right.”
For the next hour or so, we discussed the word he used, before moving on to other more general topics: the U.S. church, the political scene, and so on. It was a relaxed and friendly conversation, but initially about a tough topic.
A few days later, I saw him at the comedians’ audience, when he gave a beautiful reflection on humor in the Sala Clementina. When everyone lined up to shake his hand, I lingered in the back, since I had just seen him. But then several Vatican officials said, “Father, go ahead!”
When I reached his chair, he laughed and said, “Ah, so now you’re a famous American comedian!” I laughed and started to move away, knowing he was probably busy and tired. But he pulled me back insistently.
Then the pope said, “Thank you for our meeting the other day. It was helpful for me. I really needed to hear that.” He smiled and then gave me a thumbs up. (Amazingly, a friend sent me video of this very interchange, linked here, where you can see what’s happening.)
I thought: Who does this? Who thanks someone for a difficult meeting? Who thanks someone for being challenged? The answer: a person who is open to the Holy Spirit. A person who is not afraid to listen. A person who is truly humble. Something like that doesn’t make you a holy person or a saint on its own, but it’s an important part of holiness. May this holy man rest in peace.