just heard someone say “they’re not symptoms of depression, they’re blues clues” and that’s how i’m going to explain being sad forever now.

white people be like i have to pick up my dog’s Invisalign

huge untapped market for men who are normal

No one will ever hate you in person as much as strangers on the internet pretend to.

I do not look like any celebrities. I do not look like anybody that's ever lived. My parents found me in a field

happy opening day to all who celebrates

Military experts say it will be difficult for the United States to retrieve Iran's nuclear materials. A senile rapist who shits himself in public says it will be easy. For busy Americans, it can be hard to know who to trust.

People are being killed in our name whether you voted for it or not. I can’t imagine not feeling bad about that.

I don’t know who needs to hear Jesse Jackson leading the kids on Sesame Street in this beautiful call-and-response reminding them that every child is somebody, but here it is

I will be honest with you guys I have no idea how big an acre is

If we talking about drugs let’s talk about Epstein and friends drugging underage girls to rape them. Why yall don’t wanna talk about the Epstein files?

If I ever learn what this tweet means, you have my consent to compassionately euthanize me

I have the olympics on in the background at home and it reminds me of hearing my mom watching it in the kitchen when I was growing up 🥹 Just a weird variety of people whispering about sports I have never heard of. “MMMmmm Greg, she FINALLY landed the fluttengarf, we know that’s been a bee in her bonnet since the ‘07 Worlds in Saskatchewan!” Nostalgia is so soothing.

Of course that’s your contention. You’re a first time SF visitor. You just enjoyed your first embarcadero walk on a 67F day in Feb with beautiful views while listening to a TBPN podcast. Naturally you’ll believe that’s the best thing ever until next month when you discover Green Street steps and urban rucking on a work call “off camera today”. That’ll last until sometime in Q2, when you’ll be fawning over your marina run club, right up until you discover Marin County and go on about the Dipsea Trail and your first triathlon, Rapha singlets and how much wearables are helping your recovery.

MAGA Christians are treating the Epstein files like they do the Bible. They just pick and choose which parts they want to believe

I think if musicians want to stay out of politics then should also consider shutting the fuck up about Jesus

Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

not now babe i have to get scared for some unknown reason

Idea: an app called Blink Twice. Conservatives/MAGA/Trumpers use it to be connected to someone anonymous that they can raise concerns and regret to about the current state of the administration they voted for. If they want to change their affiliation, that anonymous person can help them register to vote as a democrat/independent/literally any other affiliation than “fascist”. Thank you for your time.

who cranked up the sim that we are all living in quantum jesus christ

“Please get the truth out about our son.”