I was meditating on a high mountain last Summer in Cajamarca, Peru
Away from all the various attention succubi of modern life
Retaining my semen (of course)
Achieving mild levitation and such
When my cell phone buzzed
It was my best friend, Salvatore
"whassuppyyy" he began,
I informed him that whatever had driven him to break my concentration and interrupt my disciplined spiritual alchemy had better be important, or else
He said "do you think time exists outside of our experience of it? like we exist in the 3rd dimension, but surely time, which is in and of the 4th dimension, has sort of "always" existed in its entirety, if you will"
I hung up and got back to my meditations
A llama (or alpaca or whatever, I can never be bothered to learn the difference between these animals) approached me and slowly nudged my shoulder
I looked at it and found it was carrying what seemed to be an ancient Incan bolas warrior
He spoke to me in some long forgotten Andean language for a few moments
I stood up and touched his arm to make sure he was indeed an ancient spirit, rather than a human, as I suspected
He was, and my hand passed right through. Apparently I was meditating directly on top of some kind of burial ground
Turned out it was the exact spot that Atahualpa was strangled with a garrote by conquistadors
I assume
I went back to my meditations, confident that a ghost could not hurl actual bolas at me
After about two hours the ghost gave up trying to re-secure my attention and disappeared into the Patagonian wind
But the alpaca was still there
It was real enough, at least
I briefly thought about carving a hole it its stomach like Luke Skywalker did to the TonTon on Hoth, but ultimately decided that the weather was too temperate, and the warmth of the alpaca's juicy innards wouldn't really add value to my life
So I petted it
It went "beehhhhh"
Which is the sound they make
Then it began its long journey back down the hill
I took a swig of warm tap water from a styrofoam cup
The sun was setting and now it was getting chilly
I chuckled bitterly, thinking about how nice and warm those alpaca guts would be right about now
I decided it was time to begin my long sojourn to civilizarion
Even the most disciplined monk cannot remain away from civilization forever
Mainly because of things like advanced temperature control and indoor plumbing