Meet Earl “Honesty” McClendon... Earl is 68, retired, and until yesterday believed two things with absolute confidence:
He was a good husband.
Honesty is always the best policy.
Yesterday afternoon, Earl was peacefully minding his own business when his wife emerged from the bedroom, turned slowly, and asked the most dangerous question known to man:
“Does this make my butt look big?”
Earl paused. Earl considered lying. Earl briefly saw his entire life flash before his eyes. Then Earl chose violence… against himself.
“Well,” Earl said, “it’s not the pants.”
Fast forward 12 minutes and one high-velocity decorative lamp, Earl found himself being introduced to the fine folks at the emergency room. Two black eyes, a shattered sense of security, and a newfound respect for silence.
Doctors say he’s expected to make a fullrecovery
Marriage counselors say he won’t.
Veterans everywhere say: we warned you.
Earl would like this post to serve as a public service announcement.
Gentlemen, the correct answer is always:
“No, honey. You look amazing.”
Learn from Earl.
Pray for Earl.
Send ice packs.